Red

Chapter 1

My breath fogs up the little window. I start to raise my hand to wipe the window, but I return it to my side. The bandages on my hands are just a reminder of why I'm here. Of why I am not allowed to open this door. Of why I cannot be in the same room as Katrina, my girlfriend. All I have to see her with is this little window on this door, and even then I'm not supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be in my own hospital room, but Katrina is on the other side of this door, on life support. How could I leave her? She did save my life after all.

✶

We were on the bus, coming home from school. I remember smelling smoke, then there was an explosion. I curled my body into a as small a shape as possible, and Katrina threw her body over my own, protecting much of it from the fire that ravaged the bus. I had wrapped my arms around her back, ensuring her position in shielding me from the fire. That wasn't the reason I had clung to her though, I was so scared, my mind couldn't process what was happening. In the moment, I had just needed a hug. She had hugged me back.

✶

I give up on watching Katrina in her room, hooked up to machines and covered in bandages. My room is just across the hall from her's, but it's still not close enough. I return to my room and sit on the bed. I've been in this hospital for 13 days. Almost exactly two weeks since Katrina and my life has changed. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I know that under the bandages on my arms the skin angry, red, and raw. It's immensely itchy, but if I scratch it I'll further disfigure the tissue. I get off my bed and move to the mirror above my little desk in my not-so little hospital room. I look at myself.

My dark hair, braided this morning by my mother, is already rebelling against itself and against its hair tie. When I look at my face, all I see is exhaustion. I have needed more sleep since the fire because my body is healing. Unfortunately, worries about Katrina have kept me from sleeping. The doctors have resorted to giving me medication to sleep. I try not to look at my arms. My right arm has bandages from the shoulder to halfway down my fingers. On my left arm, the bandages begin halfway between my shoulder and my elbow and do not officially end. My left hand is swaddled in bandages.

A lot of the tissue on my left hand was destroyed. In the fire, my left hand had covered some of my right hand and had held to Katrina. The doctors say that a good amount of the padding is gone and that I'll have to have reconstructive surgery in order to ever use it again. They say that the tissue will most likely come from my thighs, and I might have to have skin grafts on my arms. The tissue for that too would most likely come from my thighs.

I have burns sporadically on the rest of my body. The top of my back has second degree burns. My toes have second and third degree burns. I wear a boot-type thing on my right foot. The foot itself is covered in bandages, especially the toes. My toes are pretty badly burned, tomorrow I'm having a surgery to amputate my right pinky toe. The doctors say that it's 'dead.'

I go back to my bed and lie down. I'm suddenly even more tired, and I should take a nap but I can't. I still have finals to complete. I should study for them. Wait what day is it? June 13. I missed finals. I missed finals. No, no, no, no. Once again, I get up. I pace and worry, finals are important, and missing them, oh my god. I try to run my hands through my hair, but my elbows are stuck at a 90-degree angle, which just makes me more frustrated.

I can't bend my arms. I can't see Katrina. I can't leave this floor. I can't itch my burns. Oh god, are they itchy. Why are they so itchy? Your body is healing itself, new skin is forming. That's why it's itchy, the rational part of my brain explains. I ignore the rational part of my brain. It's not just new skin growing, either. The doctors put something weird on my skin. It was something along the lines of fake skin because apparently, burns are really easily infected. Burns are open wounds, which are already very easily infected, but with burns the skin burns off and has to regrow, so it's an open wound for a prolonged period of time.