Face Value

9. Where did you go?

   "Why do you protect me, Damian." Nadine asked suddenly, her legs tangling a few feet off the ground. 

   There was a small, abandoned village, filled with empty stone buildings not too far from the camp. We were sitting atop one of the unfinished houses there; its walls were only about five feet tall. The star glittered above us in the midnight sky.  She made me come with her out here when she couldn't sleep and as the tour progressed, her sleepless nights were becoming more frequent. By now, I stopped undressing for bed all together because I was never really sure when she'd want my company. 

  "Because its my job, Nadine," I answered, somewhat perplexed by the question. "Sgt. Graves personally charged me with keeping you safe."

  She scoffed. "You know that's not what I mean. Your sergeant asked you to keep me safe from terrorists and Al Qaeda supporters. Its not your job to keep me away from hommes lubriques ". There was a hint of disdain in her voice when she said the last. 

  I smiled. "Al Qaeda, lustful men... they're all the same threat." There were a number of soldiers in my battalion that found her attractive and rightly so. She really was beautiful, even more so now. The moonlight burnished her chocolate brown hair and it reflected off her pale blue eyes, making the small grey flecks in her irises more prominent. I knew that her olive skin was incredibly soft and I imagined that her plump, pink lips were even softer. The plunge of dark tank top inadvertently drew attention to her full chest and a pair of grey sweatpants hugged her narrow waist. I fought daily, despite my more primitive desires, not to stare.  

 "Are you cold?" I asked. A heavy breeze flitted across the desert. I was still wearing most of my uniform: my uniform trousers, combat boots and a nude crew neck tee. Amelie was clad in far less. 

   She shook her head. "But why do you do it?" she pressed. Her warm hand came to rest on top of mine.

  "I don't know," I shrugged. How could I explain myself to her without revealing my true feelings for her? How could I justify how protective I was of her without letting it slip that I was driven nearly mad with jealously whenever I saw another man eyeing her body?

 "I suppose because I can." It wasn't really an explanation but it was the vaguest thing to say without being overly emotional.  Every man that looked at her only saw her body but I knew that she was so much more than that. Her beauty was so much more than just skin deep and I hated that no one else saw her that way. "Because I believe that you're more than just fresh meat for any man's taking. Because-"

 "Because you want me all for yourself?" She made it a question but the look in her eyes said that she already knew the answer. "Because you love me?"Her voice was a gentle whisper and her fingers tightened around mine. "Do you love me, Damian?" 

   I felt a small shiver travel done my spine, delighted by the way my name rolled off her tongue. There was an expectant glint in those frosty eyes; like the way a child looks at their parents when they know they're about to be told that the family is going to Disneyland. I swallowed the fear that was rising like bile at the back of my throat. In this moment, I would prefer to be in a room with Bin Ladin than here with her, having to confess my feelings when I knew that there was no way that she could feel the same. 

"Would it change anything if I did?" Ams was engaged to another man from Nice, her home town. She never spoke about him because she wasn't proud of it. The decision to marry was to appease her brother, who she also refused to talk about. I know that she cared for this mystery man in some small way and he had the means to give her a comfortable life but I could tell that those things weren't enough for her.