sometimes, when it's dark and i'm all alone, i think about the people I miss. the people I've lost. sometimes I think about the ones I'm grateful not to have in my life anymore, and sometimes I think about the ones who are grateful they don't have me in their lives anymore.
sometimes I think about the little bottle in my medicine cabinet, the small capsules that I should be taking to stabilize myself. sometimes I consider taking them, and sometimes I think about how robotic and emotionless i'll become if i do take them.
sometimes I wonder if things would have turned out differently, sometimes I wonder if i'd be as happy waking up next to someone else. sometimes I wonder if he wonders the same thing.
sometimes I close my eyes and imagine the future, a wonderful wife or husband holding me close, a couple of kids clinging to my legs or laughing as they run around the both of us. sometimes I try to make out the face of my future forever, and sometimes I realize that I can't make it out.
sometimes I lie awake at night pretending that you and I will be together forever and planning how I'll propose to you if it ever happens, and sometimes I remember how much I've done that in the past and how in the end it'll probably mean nothing.
sometimes I wonder how long you will be here with me, and sometimes I hope it will be longer than a few months. sometimes I hope you'll be with me forever.
and sometimes I really start to crave strawberries.
