Demon

.iii.

I am whole in my confusion, for nothing exists in perfection without flaws.
-ComfortMsfit
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I don't catch sleep without the drugs honestly. It's not an addiction, it's more like... an aid, per say.

I was introduced to sleeping pills after being diagnosed with insomnia in the 7th grade. Sure, sure. Not medically diagnosed, but self diagnosed. Though I was able to attain them from my friend.... what friend would I be to snitch on my supplier. Though to be frank, that's the person I can admit to trusting.

It helped, it really did, but things in my life took a turn for the worst. All I can remember was the foaming at the mouth and the silent gasps of everyone that surrounded her and all I could do was stand there frozen, without words and it all turned to a blur, shouting in a hazy voice, "don't go!" But that's just all past though. I remember nothing but walking up to him and with tears in my eyes as I faced the fuzzy grass of the park where I met with him daily except Sundays and just balling my hands up into small fists to keep all my anger disguised pain inside and just sobbed as he knew what was wrong and just held me tight as I felt and was so helpless inside and he knew it and I was glad he did.
We always spoke in the silence.

It's been years since then and to be frank, I don't plan on dabbling in other drugs except for the Holy Ganga; it's more of a staple drug especially for when I get home to nothing but ridicule and looks that show the disgust in their eyes at my flawed existence. To go to school and receive just the same but worse with the giggles and chitter-chatter surrounding me as if I'm nonexistent to anything but ridicule.

[But woe, sad is the life that it t'is that I live.]

No real need for closure as it just opens up these old wounds that I'd prefer to be kept closed.

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It's odd for me to admit but I do have friends, but as all the complex ins and outs of high school; we are friends but not friends.

I tend to live on the side of chilling with whatever group matches the current mood of my ever fluctuating emotions. But these emotions have more control over me than I do of myself and I tend to be a charity case, so instead of burdening the world with the same sad story, I keep it all to myself. Frankly, I believe, I'm nothing but a problem. "Always causing unnecessary problems," my... friend said.

So what if I'm "bottling up" my 'feelings'. It's just a stupid thing my therapist thinks we need. It's not! It's brought nothing but pain to me.

"Nothing but pain." I whisper to myself in the bathroom as I changed for P.E.

"Sorry, what was that, Sky?" Inquisitively questioned Cranberry.

"Nothing, just thinking out loud. We should probably get going before couch gives us extra rounds." I said with a rather playful tone to denounce any air of doubt.

"Oh yeah! Let's go."

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Walking back home after school I meet up with JaJa and JaKarta. My neighbors, who go to Radar High*, and are also (surprise surprise) twins who I've known for about 10 years now and I "corrupted" but that depends on who you're asking.

"What is it you've been up to lately?" with furrowed brows peeking at the edges asks JaJa as he towers above me 6'1 and looks down at me. "We never see you no more!"

"Take it easy, Ja." JaKarta reaches and grabs JaJa by his left shoulder as I stand between them.

They are like two opposites. JaJa is like the storm, while JaKarta is the calm after the storm but they definitely have a lot in common apart from looks.

"Sorry, Sky. I'm- " I cut JaJa off before he says anything else.

"-trying. You're trying and I see it. Don't hurt yourself."

Both stunned they stop in their tracks and watch me keep walking. It's not normal for me to encourage anyone or give anyone the benefit of the doubt, so I understood why they were stunned. I'm only this kind to people in places that deserve it. He deserves it after all he's been through. After all they've been through.

Catching up to me, we walk in silence, til JaKarta decides to play some ambient nature and music mix I recommend him to play when shit gets heated with Ja and frankly I think it helps him. I know it helps me when I sink into quiet rage but I could tell JaJa needed it as he sighed not long after it begun to play and by his sinking shoulders that he was cooling off and so could JaKarta.

"I haven't hung out with you guys as much as I used to. I just don't feel... okay. Dad and sister have been on my case and I rather just please them til they find something else to shit on."

I turned and faced my dusty P.E shoes and from the corner of my eye see JaKarta ball his hand into a fist and I look up at him as he turns his face away.

"JaKarta?"

"It's alright, we get you," Ja says, "right, Karta?" Ja reaches over and tugs at Karta, squishing me in between them and feeling JaKarta relax, he agrees with a simple "yeah".

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Reaching the front yard, JaKarta looks at me and out of nowhere asks with puppy dog eyes as he does when trying to manipulate me,

"Is there anything we can do? Anything?"

I glance at Ja hoping he'd get that I was content in my runt but NO, he pulled the eyes a hundred times more than his brother and having no other person to back me up in the slightest, I sigh as I face up into the sky.

"Okay, okay, okay. Give me a second." I insist.

"One," goes Ja.

"Now is there anything JaJa and I could do?"

"Guys! Rela-" a light bulb turned on in my head and I knew how to answer that.

"I know what you can do. Come through and bring over your ma's tacos!"

Ja giggles, "It's funny but I saw this coming."

"I did too," Karta adds on.

I fold my arms as I pout and glare at them, "Not funny!" I say in a baby voice.

"Aaaawww, the little sky is about to cry??!!" They both say in sync and they both attack me with hugs and little, "who's a good Sky?"'s all around.

I manage to shrug them off, "Just bring the Tacos! And we're the same age dip-shits!"

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Those tacos were good.

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*Author's Note*

Hope this chapter shows you that depression isn't always seen. We demons know how to have a good time, from time to time.