"How are you feeling Reagan?" Doctor Hasterlend, the school psychologist asks me. What do I say? Do I be honest and tell her I'm internally freaking out because I have to go back to school today and all of my old friends think I'm a freak? No I can't say that; she'll send be back to the nuthouse for sure. I'll have to settle for a lie.
"I'm okay" I say, brushing my long ginger hair behind my ears. I say this even though on the inside I'm still screaming for help because who I've become is a ghost of the girl I use to be.
"Are you sure? You go back to school today." She says eyeballing me with her beady blue eyes. I almost spill everything right there. How I've hardly been eating because according to Mary- Jane's (my ex best friend) most recent comment on Facebook "I here hospital food makes you fat. Guess it's true." I almost tell her about the stinging cuts on my hip that was overlooked by my mother this morning. But, I know what will happen if I do. She'll send me straight to the hospital, so I settle for a lie.
"Yeah, I'm okay, a little nervous, but I have to go back eventually might as well be today" I say.
"That's a good attitude to have about it, so I just have some quick questions for you and then you can get to your first class." Doctor Hasterlend tells me.
"Okay."
"Are you still feeling suicidal?"
Yes. "No"
"Wanting to hurt yourself?"
Yes. "No."
"Others?"
"No."
"Anything else you'd like to talk about before I send you to class?"
"Nope I think I'm good." I say putting my black bag over my shoulders.
"Good luck." She tells me. I walk out of the dark office not at all ready to face the disaster I knew this day was going to be.
Walking down the hallways I could already here the whispers. "She tried to kill herself."
"She was in a mental hospital."
"She looks like she gained a lot of weight."
"She's insane."
I try to ignore them by holding my head high and walking into the bathroom. I look in the mirror, I look exhausted my brown eyes look drowned out, and my curled ginger hair suddenly seems less cute than it did this morning. I'm a short petite girl but for some reason the mirror makes me look larger than I actually am which makes me feel insecure and chubby. I take a deep breath when I hear someone flush the toilet. Shit this is this last thing I need I think when I see Mary-Jane in all of her glory step out of the stall. She's a tall blonde with gorgeous blue eyes. She has not a freckle on her face and the straightest teeth I have ever seen. When she sees me she stops, smirks and laughs.
"What?" I ask her annoyed, there was a time when she would look at others like that and once they left we would snicker about them.
She looks shocked for a second, like she didn't expect me to speak let alone confront her, but she quickly recovers, "I'm surprised that you're even here."
"Don't sound so disappointed." I say with a roll of my eyes. She laughs loudly.
"I'm not the one who should be disappointed, if anything Ty should be." She says, and with a flip of her hair she's gone.
Ty I think. There was a time that only I was allowed to call him that, it was the signature thing Ty did for his girlfriends. That's how I figured it out, that he was cheating on me with Mary Jane. She called him Ty and he gave her that smile that lit up his whole face. Everyone thinks I tried to kill myself over him but, it was so much more.
I find my locker with ease it's the same locker I've had since my freshman year.
"You're Reagan Dallas right?" someone says from behind my locker door, I look down and see a pair of combat boots, "Depends on who's asking." I say closing my locker door, I am met with quite the surprise, a girl with long brown and brown eyes greets me, she has pale skin and her make up is done perfectly.
"Who are you?" I ask curious how the girl even knows me. Oh wait everybody knows me.
" Aubrey, Aubrey Carter." She says holding out her hand for me to shake, I do so.
"Look I know what you've been going through and I just wanted to say if you need someone to hang out with that isn't secretly friends with that slut Mary-Jane then I'm your girl." She smiles.
"Um, thanks." I say, fidgeting with my bag strap. The bell rings signaling that start of new class period.
"What do you have?" Aubrey asks me.
"Pre-Calc, you?"
"English."
"Aubrey come on!" A girl yells across the hall, Aubrey smiles at me apologetically
"Sorry hun got to run." She walks to a girl with short blonde hair and a boy with brown hair and he deepest brown eyes I have ever seen in my life. He stares at me for a moment and shakes his head no at something Aubrey says before turning and walking down the hall turning out of my sight.
