Rollercoaster

Part 4

I hug him so tight as I now have no one. I have no family. I have no friends. I have no one. I cry through the whole journey home and when we do eventually get there, for an hour I stood there and cried on his shoulder. Shawn offered to let me stay at his but I don't like him, I don't want to spend more time with him than I have to. But why am I hugging him? Because I do still like him or because he is the only one there. But as we have started to calm down I ask again why he was upset. This time I finally got an answer. It turns out that he had trouble finding someone who wouldn't stab him in the back too and when he found me he felt complete. Then obviously being the selfish bitch I am, when I shouted at him then wouldn't answer his calls, he started to worry something had happened to me. He described his feelings as a broken mirror with a missing piece - pointless. He really did care for me but when I turned away the mirror smashed. But still then he had hope I would forgive him and more importantly myself, when I didn't that mirror was never complete again. Wait does that mean he still wants to be my friend?

Reluctantly, I agree to stay with him while I sort myself out. I still use the knives, probably more now since my mum has gone. I suppose it is not too bad at the moment, apart from Alyssa being across the road and Shawn still hanging out with her. He has gone to the park with her, so while I am alone I might as well escape from my grief. 2 slices later, I hear someone shout, "Bethany, what the hell do you think you are doing?" It is Shawn. I wasn't expecting him home so early. I tried to tell him that I had to but he didn't understand. The next day, he went out again and when I went to the kitchen he had locked the draw. I tried searching for the key but it was nowhere. Then I remembered, I learnt to pick a lock when my sister used to hide my toys in this locker she had. So I picked the lock and the draw was empty. He must have known I was going to try and get them. This is why you don't live with a smart person.

I frantically searched for them, upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside. I couldn't find them anywhere. Surely he hasn't took them with him. See if I was still at my home I would have them there with me 24/7 but no, he has hidden them from me. They are nowhere to be seen. Ugh he frustrates me so much. Not too long after I give up trying, Shawn returns and asks how my day was, cause obviously he knows that I have been trying to find the knives. I storm down the stairs and hold out my hand. He looks at my like he doesn't know what I want but he knows, oh he knows. He sat me down on his bed and explained that he knows it has been hard for me and he gets why I want to harm myself but he doesn't believe it is the best thing to do. It has been too hard and I just broke down again, he holds me tight and you know what he isn't as bad as I had originally thought. Still don't like him but at least his hugs are nice.