Short Stories

Unknown. Unwanted.

August 2 , 7:14pm 2016

You now what.. It's funny how dumb you are. You're telling your me going to be their for me? Wow, what a lie. I trusted you. I gave you everything I had. You sit here, and you act like everything is fine with me? Can't you see how much pain i'm in? You yell at me, make me feel like NOTHING. 

I wish you could see how I hurt, how I feel and think.  I just feel so useless right now. i just want a friend. But you, make me feel horrible, like I was just a mistake. I don't feel ok anymore. Please don't call me pretty anymore, please don't call me cute, babe, hot or anything else. I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping.

I don't feel pretty. I feel like shit. I downgrade myself so much, because I hate myself. I see boys fall for girls all the time. None fall for me. I fall so hard for guys, guys I should now that aren't good, but It seems as if I like to get my heartbroken.

Truth is I don't and I know no one does. I just want to be loved in a way that makes me feel special. Is it bad that I care about looks? Cause I care more about personality. I care that boys won't treat me like shit. 

But that's exactly what they do. I get called " bitch, slut, whore, ugly, weird, etc.." It may look like I don't care, but I care. So much. When one guy liked me, he treated me like shit. Nothing special. I sit down and I cry because I feel ugly. Because I feel unwanted.

Depression doesn't help. People leave me all the time. I don't know if I can take it anymore. I always fall for the guys that like my friends, not me. They tell me i'm pretty, but I know I'm not. Can I just become pretty? Can I be a different person? I don't deserve my blessed life. I don't deserve to live.

I don't even deserve a guy who cares about me. Either way, I know that won't happen. I know that no one will ever fall in love with me.

I've cut before, no one really seemed to care. No one asked if I was ok, or if I wanted to talk. When I try to talk to people it makes me feel worse. I want to tell them everything, but I feel like I will be judged. Beyond what I think. There are things no one knows about me. I want to tell, but I can't. I don't have the nerve to do it. I'm not as brave as everyone thinks. I wish I was. I wish I could change things. So many things, but that's not how life works.

People push me down so much with their words. I don't think they would even care. There was a time when I didn't want to go to the school I was in. Because I tired to do something different, I put myself out there. Which is very hard for me. And ten rumors happened and I suddenly lost some friends. And I suddenly lost myself.

Sometimes, I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can continue. When I talk to people about it, they tell me i'm selfish. That its going to get better soon. They ignore me. Act like I never existed.  

WHAT'S SO SELFISH?  THAT I WANT MY PAIN TO STOP? THAT I'M HURTING, AND NO CARES? WHAT IS SO SELFISH ABOUT IT.

I just want to feel special, I want to feel loved. Not just by my parents, but my closest friends. By the guys I fall for. I just want some things to be in my favor. I want to speak what's on my mind all the time. But I can't, it too hard. It painful to tell the truth. I don't know if the truth will "set you free". it feels more like it i'll trap you. People use the truth against you all the time.

August 3, 8:45pm

A/N So this took me quite awhile, because i was getting somewhat emotional. I wrote, a lot more, but deleted it. I couldn't do a good ending, but whatevers. This is kinda soft spot sooo. Yea. Ik it sucks but hope you enjoy.