August 2 , 7:14pm 2016
You now what.. It's funny how dumb you are. You're telling your me going to be their for me? Wow, what a lie. I trusted you. I gave you everything I had. You sit here, and you act like everything is fine with me? Can't you see how much pain i'm in? You yell at me, make me feel like NOTHING.
I wish you could see how I hurt, how I feel and think. I just feel so useless right now. i just want a friend. But you, make me feel horrible, like I was just a mistake. I don't feel ok anymore. Please don't call me pretty anymore, please don't call me cute, babe, hot or anything else. I know you're trying to make me feel better, but it's not helping.
I don't feel pretty. I feel like shit. I downgrade myself so much, because I hate myself. I see boys fall for girls all the time. None fall for me. I fall so hard for guys, guys I should now that aren't good, but It seems as if I like to get my heartbroken.
Truth is I don't and I know no one does. I just want to be loved in a way that makes me feel special. Is it bad that I care about looks? Cause I care more about personality. I care that boys won't treat me like shit.
But that's exactly what they do. I get called " bitch, slut, whore, ugly, weird, etc.." It may look like I don't care, but I care. So much. When one guy liked me, he treated me like shit. Nothing special. I sit down and I cry because I feel ugly. Because I feel unwanted.
Depression doesn't help. People leave me all the time. I don't know if I can take it anymore. I always fall for the guys that like my friends, not me. They tell me i'm pretty, but I know I'm not. Can I just become pretty? Can I be a different person? I don't deserve my blessed life. I don't deserve to live.
I don't even deserve a guy who cares about me. Either way, I know that won't happen. I know that no one will ever fall in love with me.
I've cut before, no one really seemed to care. No one asked if I was ok, or if I wanted to talk. When I try to talk to people it makes me feel worse. I want to tell them everything, but I feel like I will be judged. Beyond what I think. There are things no one knows about me. I want to tell, but I can't. I don't have the nerve to do it. I'm not as brave as everyone thinks. I wish I was. I wish I could change things. So many things, but that's not how life works.
People push me down so much with their words. I don't think they would even care. There was a time when I didn't want to go to the school I was in. Because I tired to do something different, I put myself out there. Which is very hard for me. And ten rumors happened and I suddenly lost some friends. And I suddenly lost myself.
Sometimes, I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can continue. When I talk to people about it, they tell me i'm selfish. That its going to get better soon. They ignore me. Act like I never existed.
WHAT'S SO SELFISH? THAT I WANT MY PAIN TO STOP? THAT I'M HURTING, AND NO CARES? WHAT IS SO SELFISH ABOUT IT.
I just want to feel special, I want to feel loved. Not just by my parents, but my closest friends. By the guys I fall for. I just want some things to be in my favor. I want to speak what's on my mind all the time. But I can't, it too hard. It painful to tell the truth. I don't know if the truth will "set you free". it feels more like it i'll trap you. People use the truth against you all the time.
August 3, 8:45pm
A/N So this took me quite awhile, because i was getting somewhat emotional. I wrote, a lot more, but deleted it. I couldn't do a good ending, but whatevers. This is kinda soft spot sooo. Yea. Ik it sucks but hope you enjoy.
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Short Stories
Ficțiune generalăWhenever I have an idea... I'll let you know. I want these to be short, but lets see how that works out... The girls name is Lana, but the stories reflect off of me and events of my friends. They are my stories to tell Up to you if you wanna say its...