sitting here today made me realize how much I want love.
girls and boys holding hands and laughing.
moms and dads for ever in love.
I need that
I
need
that.
but nothing last for ever.
and nothing feels the same.
so why can't I stop feeling this way?
sighing I shut my journal. tears brim my eyes. I can't handle this today. I can't handle it every day but today especially. 3 years. it's been 3 years since mom and dad left me. 3 years since no one cared or even looked my way. 3 years since I've been on my own. 3 years-
"I'm sorry miss." I was pulled out of my thoughts by a old man apologizing. I shake my head as if to say "what do you mean"
he looks at me expecting me to know what the fuck he said. tears are now running down my face.
"he doesn't understand"
"run now"
"no wonder your parents left you"
"you're an idiot"
"save yourself now"
I shake my head, look around and run. I run till I can't anymore.
"tick tock sweetheart"
"your life is ticking way"
"you're lost"
"I'm lost!" I yell, " but I'm not" I whisper.
i look around and see my apartment building. rushing inside. I sprint up the steps but stumble backwards after hitting something hard.
"you're dumb"
"you can't even walk up steps"
"you can't even-"
"make them stop!" I'm screaming now
"God please just make them stop! please oh no no no no no no no no no no"
i stand up and rush past a boy. I guess I bumped into him. desperately pulling my keys out of my back pocket I finally get inside my apartment.
"dumb"
"a laughing stock"
"fake fake fake"
"'make them stop' you can't stop us"
they get louder and louder until I can't take it. I grab a knife and make a straight cut on the floor of the kitchen. the voices drown out. and then silence. I sit and stare. until a knock pulls me out of my intense stare off. slowly I pull my self up and toward the door. opening it I see a boy, red hair. he's pale. and tall.
"um- I- you- um- you bumped into to me and dropped this" I look down cautiously. seeing my beat up journal.
"take it"
"he probably read it"
"he knows"
"you think love will get rid of us"
"that might be"
"thanks."
"I didn't read it, I-I-I- I just picked it up."
"thanks"
"yeah"
and slowly I closed the door. I slid down the back of it until I was sitting. and that's how I stayed. back pressed up against the door until I feel asleep.
"oh honey this won't-"
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alright alright alright alright. one chapter done. this story is meant to confuse the hell out of you. and tbh I'm confused myself. lololol anyway thanks for reading. idk where this is gonna go. but if you wanted to know, the bold word are her thoughts.
-k
