Page 57

Linger

I smoked to have something to do with my hands.

Easily, I could have picked up a habit of playing with lighters or mastering the coin travel.

I didn't like easy.

I dragged the cigarette from my lips, exhaling slowly. The smoke was potent, dangerous. Beautiful.

Cigarettes reminded me of Mason.

I dropped the cigarette, grinding my heel into its body.

Her face floated at the back of my mind, clawing forward. She never left my thoughts.

Mason wasn't like me. She didn't linger on anything. She didn't put a spoon in her mouth to taste the food, but to eat it.

And when she loved, she loved in pieces.

Mason never loved for long. Never treasured anything longer than necessary.

Maybe that's why I lingered on her. She had her fill of me and then tossed me to the curb. A used toy. Pathetic.

I brought an empty hand to my lips and scoffed at myself. A Mason habit I picked up.

I heard she robbed a bank. I heard she escaped prison with a girl named L.L. King. I heard she tattooed gang symbols on her thighs.

I heard all these unsubstantiated rumors, but kept my own opinion crushed under the other's. Chose to believe none of it. I only wished for what my heart ached for.

Mason.

Her name was a mantra in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. A word weighted with bittersweet memories.

"Hey." I started and turned. "Fancy seeing you here, Ollie."

"Mason." Her name was like the smoke of a cigarette, lingering just above my lips before vanishing.

She smiled. I could only stare. "God, I need a 'rette."

I flicked my box open and offered her one.  She took two, pressing one against my lips. "Just had one."

"So?" She raised a brow. My eyes went to her lips. "Light us up."

I held my lighter out to her. She took it. I watched, motionless. She lit hers, standing in my space. We locked eyes. She pressed her cigarette to mine. Her eyes focused on the task, but mine were on her. She slipped my lighter back into my pocket. She leaned into me, and I couldn't find the will to move.

We stood like that a while. The ashy scent of burning chemicals couldn't hide hers. It was the same as it had always been: an earthy smell that reminded me of a cloudy afternoon right before a storm.

It brought back the late nights we spent laughing. It brought back the empowering feeling I felt walking with her next to me. It brought back the reason she left: our mistake.

She didn't change, at least not mentally. Physically, she grew into a hauntingly beautiful woman. She was every bit the woman I fell in love with, and every bit a stranger that got too close.

"Where've you been, Mason?" I asked, sobered by my thoughts. I needed to know when she would leave again. My heart wasn't prepared yet.