Intoxicating (Teen Wolf)

4)

Alexis's POV

Sometime's I'm laying in bed at night, cuddling with my blankets even though I'm not cold, and holding onto that one thought, wondering if this will be my last sleep. Sometime's hoping that I will close my eyes and never have to open them again. Some nights I pray I won't have to open them again. But that's because life hates me, constantly putting me through these tests and just when I think 'Hey, everything is some what perfect' life goes 'Dammit guys get back to work, she's happy.' When life gives you lemons you make lemonade right? Well I feel like I've made that lemonade and life threw it on the ground, laughing, saying it was'nt good enough.

That I'm not good enough.

Sometimes I really want to give up. I want to put down my lemons and say 'Okay. You win. I surrender.' I want to lay down on the cold hard ground and wait for death to take me to hell because I don't deserve heaven. I want to get fired from this endless job because whenever I try to quit it takes it from me and laughs. Laughs in my face.

It does'nt matter anyway, I'm just being over dramatic over a boy.

One boy.

I wiped my tears one last time and smiled. Stiles does'nt get to control my happiness just like I can't control the way he feels about me. I was'nt enough I just have to accept that. I curled up next to my stuffed lion called Dan and pet his soft fur.

"You still love me right?" I asked him and he stared at me with his cold black beads that were supposed to be his eyes. I did'nt expect an answer. In fact, if I received one I'd be pretty creeped out. 

"Hey Ally" Alison said coming in my room, Lydia following close behind. 

"Hey? Can I help you? I don't suppose you want to join the party. Topic of discussion, Why life sucks." I said and Lydia snorted.

"Wow that's depressing" She said and I shrugged.

"Welcome to my world" I said and she smiled. Lydia has become one of my good friends since Alison told her about what Stiles said. 

"You do realize the party is about two days away and you look like you got mugged by a bear then got run over by a plane." Lydia said and I laughed.

"Wow that so helps my self confidence. Thank you so much for sparing my feelings" I said and Alison laughed.

"Okay the more I hang out with you the more I feel like I'm talking to Stiles" She said and I rolled my eyes.

"Great I'm ugly and a jerk. Wanna comment on my outfit too?" I suggested and Alison sighed.

"This is exactly what we are here for. To wipe that frown off your face" Alison said.

"Why was'nt that cheesy. Who's next? You might as well say that love conquers all and all that shit" I said and Lydia threw a pillow at my face.

"God Alexis shut up"

"Make me feel worse why don't you" I muttered and Alison threw her arms up in frustration.

"So the reason we're here is to have a girls night! Go to the movies, eat pizza, watch the notebook, go shopping, your choice Ally" Alison said and I bit my lip unsure.

"I dunno guys" I said and Lydia pouted.

"Aw please? I bought you some clothes!" She said and I raised an eyebrow.

"Why?"

"Cause that's what friends do!" She said and threw me a plastic bag. I sighed, realizing I had no choice.

"Lets go bowling?" I asked and they nodded.

"Go change, we'll be downstairs" Lydia instructed and I nodded. They left quickly, shutting the door behind them.