Who and When?

The Hostess

As my eyes took time to a just in the blinding light of the room I heard multiple conversations going on around me. So many people are covered head to toe in extravagant clothing. Gleaming with sequin covered dresses and suits, metallic makeup, and multicolored glitter. “Everyone is dressed in gold, silver, bronze, copper, and various other metallic colors. All of them are a part of the conformity. How can a person stand being like the rest of the people surrounding you?” With that, they also all wore elaborate masks. Looking down at my outfit feeling utterly naked and under dressed my cheeks glowed crimson red.

Wearing this was a mistake; all the women are wearing expensive over the top gowns. As the men, wore suits and tuxedos. Their outfits seemed to shine as if thousands of stars had been intertwined in the fabric and blessed by the gods.

I leaned over to Jazmine and whispered, ”When I was putting together my outfit I didn’t think twice that I needed to spend hundreds of dollars for a single dress like all the others that I know for a fact, did.” Spending just as much on a new pair shoes, that would end up giving me painful ugly blisters before the night's end. And then purchasing and applying pounds of overly priced makeup that would undoubtedly make me break out. If I would have put more thought into it, my outfit wouldn’t make me stand out and give me a feeling that everyone was staring at me. Even though the only people that notice me are the few friends that I actually have. Unless I do something incredibly stupid and clumsy that would ultimately gain the attention of all the people in the room no matter how large or small.

I wore a black mermaid dress with rhinestones arranged densely on the bottom of the dress and decreasing as your eyes slowly ascend.  Pairing that with shiny black flats with sliver toes and simple stainless steel stud earrings. Not being able to do much with my hair, I just used gel to spike it then frosted the tips with gold hair dye. The mask I wore was nothing compared to the millions worn around me.

The orchestra played moving music that kept with the constantly changing atmosphere of the ball. All of the instruments played together as if each musician was an individual part of a well oiled machine. They were all blessed with the the unmistakable talent of music.

Deciding to blend into the walls I sat with Jazmine, we didn't mingle just talked amongst each other and listened to the music. Minutes turned to hours. "How can you be alright with standing out? Your the only person here wearing black. Serenity are you even listening to me?"

"Hm? Sorry what were you saying, something about being hungry?" I wasn't paying attention to her because I was at awe with beauty. I never thought a person could be so attracted to another person. Not knowing her just added to the mystery...and I loved it.

She was a tall slender woman that wore a gown unlike most here. Her hair was the color of raven's feathers and had sun kissed skin. The dress she wore was a metallic purple, strapless dress that had the hem brought up to show off her gorgeous long legs. To put even more emphasis on her legs she wore black tall high-heel boots that went halfway up her calf. While noticing her shoes I saw she was the only one wearing boots as I was the only one that had flats on. Instantly I felt a connection with a perfect stranger. Even the mask she wore that hid most of her face could not contain all of her beauty. The mask had gold accent designs around the eyes and cheekbones exaggerating the color of her eyes. Those eyes seemed so friendly and invited, but also seemed to show something else...but I could put my finger on it.

Realizing that I had been staring I turned my head quickly. Embarrassed by my rudeness, I tried to start up another conversation with Jazmine. As the very first word came out of my mouth, she cut me off and said that she saw me staring at the woman that had walked in the hall tardy. I am a very quiet and reserved person and she is the only person who knows I that I'm gay. My parents would have been the first to know but they died in a car accident when I was 10. This was years before I decided on my sexuality.

After that incident I was never really the same. I stopped talking as much, started to become depressed, and just lacked any emotion when it came to devastating tragedies, whether they pertained to me or others around me. While all of that was going on I started to notice more girls than guys. As I got older I had a few girlfriends and a few of the foster homes out of the countless I was in didn't approve of me.

Jazmine and I almost started dating but she turned me down because she wanted to stay friends; also in the process making it painfully clear that she was as straight as they come but still supported me in whomever I decided to pursuit whether they'd be a woman or a man. 

When Jazmine saw that I was staring at the "mystery" woman we made eye contact and she just smiled.

"You know that's the hostess of this right?"

"I do now." Saying with a smile upon my face, "What's her name?"

"It's Reign-something, I don't know her last name. Going by the way you were looking at her, you like her don't you?"

Trying to hide the desperation in my voice was extremely hard and she could tell I liked her. I trusted her enough to tell her, that the assumption was correct.

 Out of the corner of my eye I saw Reign coming towards the table we were seated at. Even though the room was noisy I was still able to hear her footsteps get closer. My anxiety started to kick in, like normal in these situations.What if she doesn't like me or what if she's straight and if she is what if she's homophobic. So many 'what-ifs' flooded into my mind. Making me consider pushing my feelings for her into the deepest and darkest depths of my mind. As this was going on my heart started to beat faster and faster until I finally broke into a cold sweat. She was at "our" table with in what seemed like seconds. Even though she was walking towards us multiple people stopped her to start up small conversations; this just added to my mountain of anxiety and paranoia. As she was talking in these short little conversations I noticed that she kept glancing over to what seemed to be me. Getting excited and nervous at the same time, I could barely contain my sanity.