The Faggot stared at himself in the mirror. He buried his hands into the layers of his fat, with grease and fatcheese seeping out. He was elbows deep in the folds of bacon induced blubber and his arms kept sinking in. How much of a fatty was he? Answer: 42.
"I need to lose weight." The Faggot declared, and struggled to pull his arms out from between his fat rolls. His hands were covered in some sort of suspicious mold. There was also some leftover lube, from the times the curly haired dude couldn't find Faggot's anus.
The Faggot sat down at his computer, and booted it up. Windows 95 was a beautiful thing, and only the best hackerz (with a 'z', that meant they were more legit than ones with an 's') had Windows 95.
Nugget porn automatically started playing, and the Faggot let the music of an amputee being doubly penetrated play in his ear. It was his favorite way to relax. Clicking on Internet Explorer, the Faggot rage-typed in the search bar "how to lose weight." After five minutes of grueling anticipation (and at least 6 faps to the nugget porn), the dial-up connection finally pulled out 3 results. One was an advertisement for Viagra, one was a fanpage for Paula Deen's most buttery websites, and the third was a link to a tumblr blog by a user named "anaxmia." The Faggot chose the third option, his fat rolls rippling as his arms frantically moved to find his buried dick. Giving up on finding his dick, he grabbed a bunch of fat and greedily tried to fap, as the dial-up slowly loaded a page full of skeletal looking teen girls. Faggot decided that this was an impossible standard he had to live up to. This was what he wanted to look like.
What could he do? He had to stop eating, and start purging. He could gnaw on his anal bead collection when he got hungry.
It was a plan. The Faggot would become leaner than starving children in Africa. If the African children could look that good, he could, too.
Meanwhile, the giant eyebrow and the goddess were bonding. The giant eyebrow had permanently attached itself to the goddess's left boob, and the goddess would occasionally stroke said brow. She had affectionately named it, "Hyatt." The goddess had no qualms with having a boob-brow, except occasionally the eyebrow would whisper things about ISIS, and sing quiet "Allahu Akbars."
The curly-haired dude worked full-time babysitting Harambe Hitler the Third, and lived a pure life through the young infant. HHt3 was Aryan, the superior race. The curly-haired guy was a Hispanic mongrel, and often burst into song, singing Latin pop- music such as "Metí mi polla hinchada a su madre con un consolador púrpura." The curly-haired dude, Jose Juan-Pablo Jesus Alejandro Carlos Garcia, also had trouble figuring out how to feed the little Aryan superior. He could only cute fajitas, burritos, tacos, enchiladas, and nachos. The Aryan was disappointed in her caretaker, and seeked to have him deported. In her infant mind, he should have never jumped the border in the first place. He was almost as bad as a Jew, but at least he didn't mind that she tattooed swastikas on her face.
Faggot and the goddess (along with Hyatt, since she was now a part of the goddess's cleavage) often visited the giant Liz in the sky, encouraging her to commit suicide. Liz would often respond with enlightened wisdom like, "me!!! me before finals!! literally!!!!!" The goddess advised Liz to drop out of school and become a stripper, and the Faggot said for Liz to not drop from too high. A little blonde man would pop out of a mole hole at times like this, and in this particular situation he said, "Drop out and off a cliff." He was Liz's biggest supporter in her path of suicide.
They found out Liz was a Canadian, in which the little blonde man told her that that meant there was plenty of lakes to drown in. The goddess said she should overdose on maple syrup.
Some people wondered if the Faggot and the goddess were wrong for doing this. But like the goddess said, "It's like rape, it's not bad if they like it."
The little man then popped out of the ground to comment. "Your joke failed as much as her suicide."
The goddess, who was a transgender, plucked out her massive cock and masturbated to being this rekt.
The Faggot was making strides with his weight loss. He had successfully dropped to 44kg, which is 98 lbs freedom units. With his newfound eating disorder, he went out to celebrate by getting a tattoo of Harambe (RIP my nigga, 1999-2016). He also marched in Black Lives Matter parades, for Harambe.
Times were good. Dead gorillas were being remembered, suicidal attempters were being bullied, tiny blonde men popped out of holes to make people get rekt, and Trump was winning in the election. How could the world get better? Only if Islam spread throughout the universe.
But then one morning, the goddess awoke to a pudgy young man outside her mansion door. Naked (female and male genitalia displayed) she answered it. Pudgy was blowing into a bong that was shaped like a dick. He was hideous, but somehow the dead and insecure look in his eyes gave the goddess a boner.
"Respond to me or I'll fuck your shit up." Pudgy said.
"What?"
"This is a doxx!!!! Send your nudes!! No, record a video of you saying that I am your god!!!!!!"
"Lol"
"Mellisa, I'll swat your house."
"That's not even my address."
"I have your ask.fm."
"Oh god!!! The world can't know what my favorite color is!!!! Help!!!!"
The blonde man popped up out of a hole in the goddess's yard. "Dox me faggot"
The anorexic Faggot spoke mid-purge. "Dox me!"
The eyebrow on the goddess's naked breast screamed "DOX ME"
The curly haired dude, holding baby Harambe Hitler, said "doxxxx ME!"
"OH GOD THE ANAL!!!!" ThatAnonSkid screamed. He imploded into a pile of shit.
The goddess wept. Her one true love was dead.
a/n
UGH THIS SUCKED
