NEVERMIND #yoonmin

*Four*

I haven't seen Yoongi hyung since he kissed me in the Jungs' store last week, and I am happy for it. The feeling of his soft lips on mine has not left me alone for days. Every spare moment I have no important thoughts crowding my mind, he creeps into my head and won't leave until I focus on something else, something that needs all my brain space.

One of those things is my math homework. I have a big test coming up but sadly, I suck at math. Therefore, my grade is always teetering around the edge of failing and I really, really need to get it up with this test. It's the last one of this year, so it symbolizes the last chance I have in passing this year.

My room is barely lit, only a small lamp on my desk illuminating the books in front of me. My back hurts from sitting hunched over for such a long time.

Nevertheless, Yoongi keeps dancing into my head, his lips always on mine and his words always in my ears.

... 'Jimin, you're so beautiful, and I...'

It drives me crazy.

I shouldn't care about it so much; he obviously kissed me to prove a point to that girl, Daehee. But why did he tell me I was beautiful? It's so confusing. He did not have to go that far to prove to Daehee that he was apparently gay. She wasn't even in the shop anymore when he said that.

Something keeps itching in the back of my mind. It's screeching at me to notice something I already have seen, but chose not to look at.

What if he really meant it? What if he kissed me because he wanted to? Because he really thought I was beautiful, so beautiful he couldn't refrain from placing his lips on mine?

I shake my head, disgusted with myself. I'm not even gay and even if I was, I don't think I'd want Yoongi's lips on mine again. He clearly does not really think I am beautiful, since I can't see beauty in myself, even though I have been staring at myself in the mirror for eighteen years. Hence why there is no way he could have seen something appealing.

I drop my head down on my hands and sigh, my breath quivering.

I wanted to save my first kiss for someone I really loved, a girl I chose to live my life with, but now this strange pale hyung with really soft lips has taken it from me for his own selfish purposes and put it in his pocket to flaunt.

He doesn't even know me and yet he goes and does something so invasive. The more I think about it, the more angry I get.

I know that I shouldn't be this enraged, since I did not push him away when I had the chance and I certainly did not refrain from kissing him back when he asked for it. At least, I tried to. I still don't really understand how this kissing thing works.

Strangely, I am not as upset over the fact that Yoongi is a boy compared to him stealing a precious possession of mine. I could care less if he were a boy or a girl. I don't mind the fact that he is gay – Hoseok is gay too, and he is a very friendly person.

Still, the itch in my mind grows more persistent when I think about Yoongi being a boy. I kissed a boy and I did not mind it. What does that even mean?

All my life, I supposed I was straight, since I'd had some crushes on girls and it just seemed the obvious thing to be. If you're not gay, you're straight, right? But if I'm not gay, why am I not utterly disgusted by the feeling of another boy's lips on mine?

I am so confused.

Also tired, I conclude, as I shift my head to lie more comfortably on my hands. My back hurts even more in this new position, but I pay no heed to it since the world starts to disappear in black around me.

Sorry that this is short! But yay I updated woohoo

I will be posting shorter chapters from now on since I find it really hard to frequently update with long chapters, so it's for your convenience *dabs*

I also started a new fanfic on Hong Jisoos our Savior, so please check that out, it's going to be good, I promise.