The Swap

Chapter 11 Ellie

I don't know if it's possible for you to picture me in my flimsy blue Thatcher gym shorts, orange Thatcher T-shirt, walking as fast as I can down the empty hall with tears streaming down my cheeks, but that's what I look like.
I look like a baby.
I look like a ridiculous baby, and I don't care.
I don't care because all that is on my mind is getting out of here, getting home, and never leaving my room again. Ever! I think about all the things I'm going to not do as I move through the deserted hallway-
I will not play soccer!
I will not go to Claire's birthday party!
I will never go to another birthday party again. Ever!!!!!!!!

I pass the closed doors of classes I'm session. I pass two teachers. I blow right past them.

"Miss? Young lady?" one calls out.

But I don't stop.

Apparently, I am suddenly the type of girl who skips class and doesn't listen.

"Ellie. Ellie O'Brien?" Ms. Walker calls out. "Ellie, where are you supposed to be?"

I don't even turn around. I head straight to my locker and struggle to remember my stupid combination before I finally get it open. I jam the rest of my books into my backpack. I am a girl possessed. My face feels hot and my head is pounding and I'm so-

Mad.

So MAD!

I shut the locker and look around, considering my next move. There is only one period left. I look up and down the hall and try to spot a place to hide. I could just, like, hide out, right? Wait for the bell to ring. Nobody will even know!

This sounds like such a good idea in my head.

I'm totally going to do this! I think. And there I am, with my backpack weighing down my shoulders, walking in my gym clothes toward the little gap of empty space between the band room and the hallway, when I hear a voice.

"Young lady?"

I can tell without looking.

Ms. Dean.

And by Ms. Dean, I mean the principal of Thatcher.

What made me think this would ever work out? I mean, really? This isn't exactly my lucky day.

I stand in the hallway, surrounded by a million orange lockers, and force a week smile and act like I'm not skipping class, like I'm not having a nervous breakdown, like I'm not-

Me.

I have never said a word to Ms. Dean in my life. Before today I have never even been late to class, let alone skipped one. "You're such a goody-goody, Ellie!" Sassy likes to say.

I look at Ms. Dean and try to quickly think of the words that should come out of my mouth. But instead, I look down, fidget with the straps of ny backpack, and swallow hard.

"Ellie O'Brien, right?"

I look up and manage to nod. I have no idea how she even knows my name.

"And where are you coming from, Ms. o'Brien?"

"Gym," I answer. Right away, my voice is shaky.

"And why aren't you in gym, Ellie?"

For just a split second I consider spilling everything, but something stops me. And that something is that I don't want-on top of everything else awful about this day-to be a tattletale. I can't imagine how happy that would make certain people.

Sassy's voice in my head is mocking me-"You're such a little suck up, Ellie."

So instead of answering I just stare back at Ms. Dean with this dumb blank look.

"Ellie, something is obviously upsetting you, and if you don't tell me what it is, then I'm not going to be able to help you."

"Um," I say weakly. Have you ever talked to your principal, alone in the hallway? It's awkward, all right, and I practically jump when Ms. Dean's phone buzzes.

"One second." She turns and holds the phone to her ear. I can't really hear what she says into her phone. Something about a fight. Eighth graders. Something about her office...

I stop trying to listen and start remembering how pathetic j must look standing here in my gym clothes. I try to stand up a little taller. I try not to seem like I have just been crying. I take my ponytail out and slip the elastic on my wrist. I'm pretty sure my messy, crazy red hair hanging down around my shoulders doesn't really improve things as I hoped it would.

Get it together, Ellie! I tell myself

Ms. Dean turns back towards me.

"Ellie, I'm sorry, but I have to run and deal with-" She stops for a second and takes a long deep breath. "I'll tell you what," Ms. Dean begins again. "Why don't you come with me to my office and you can tell me what's going on."

That's when I blurt it out.

I don't know what makes me say it! As soon as it's out of my mouth, I wish I could catch up to the words and grab them and stuff them back down my throat.

"I have my period!" I say. (I have not gotten my period yet. This was another thing Sassy liked to point out to me all summer. "Ellie!" she'd tease. "Too bad you're not a women yet!")

Ms. Dean's eyes light up. "Well, I can certainly understand that," she says, smiling like we are totally in on the same girl secret, if you know what I mean, and I don't even know what I mean!

Suddenly I just started talking.

Each thing I say is a bigger lie.

"Yeah, um," I say. "I have the worst cramps, and well, uhhh, I have gym and its like-" I put my hand a little below my stomach, as if I'm suddenly an expert on menstrual cramps. "It really hurts," I completely lie.

It gets worse.

Do you think I can just lie and be normal? I can feel the tears gathering in my eyes. I am such a goody-goody. It's true. I stop talking and try and get myself together, but its too late to stop whatever I started.

"Oh! Cramps are the worst!" Ms. Dean says, like she knows exactly how I feel. Exactly how I would feel if I weren't a big fat liar. "Poor thing!" Ms. Dean looks like she honestly feels really badly for me. "Do you think you can make it through one more hour?"

I nod and wipe the tears and my runny nose with the back of my hand.

"Try and breathe, okay?"

I nod again.

Ms. Dean starts walking down the hall toward the main office and motions for me to follow her.

"Let's see if we can get you a little bit more comfortable," she says. Every so often she glances over and smiles. This only makes me feel worse.

How am I ever going to get out of this?