The Benefits of Being a Misfitoy

Chapter 4

Have you ever been so in love that all you can think about is him (or her)? I think that is what has happened to me. I never meant it to, in fact I have tried my hardest to prevent it! Sometimes things just happen and I my case, there was nothing I could do about it. That boy had me from a long time ago. I'm pretty sure I've talked about him, his name is Sam, there are awful rumors about him going around. Well yeah but I suppose I never explained the true nature of what I would give up for him.

Sam was always my best guy friend, I told him things I've never told anyone. Basically I gave him a piece of me, a piece of my heart and soul. That wasn't supposed to happen.

See, I sort of have this thing about walls, maybe I've mentioned it? Basically I have more walls, security codes, moats, and high tech laser beams than Fort Knox, and he has found a way past every single one of them. He's arrived at my very fragile heart, and the downside of being shielded for so long is now if he breaks me, I will shatter, like glass. Which is why I have realized now that I can no longer do this.

I can't go on like it's some dream I'm floating through. No fantasies are allowed in my reality, trust me I have fantasies but not when I'm out of dreamworld. What I need to do is take action, which may be painful but it is better than shattering. Shattering means being broken, and I can't let that happen.

"You are worthless. You are pathetic. Why would he date you? Because you are nobody. Nobody even likes you. Everybody hates you. You are weak. You are ugly. So get over it!"

I stopped my umm rant? I don't really know what to call it but, I stopped when I heard the garage. If my mom finds out about this she will probably give me some rant in which I will have to cry and apologize, because that is how I'm supposed to act. Well, I am sick of it! Too bad my phone, in other words my only way of communication with my boyfriend is on the line here. If I don't shut up, I risk charges of:

-attitude

-non remorsefulness

-anger

-some made up issue at school

-and blame for something my sister did

Yeah that's my mom's whole life, my sister. Oh, don't get me wrong I would give up my life for her, that doesn't mean i don't harbor resentment. When Lea loses her key what happens? Oh yeah nothing, because perfect little her couldn't possibly do that! No, I probably stole it, even though I have a perfectly good key right here. I get so sick of it sometimes!

Whatever.