Lost Upon Myself

Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER:
I am not experienced on the themes represented below so please forgive me if I do not display something in the correct way.
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Chapter 1 - Discovery

Aaron

I stared out my small window, in my tiny room, at the stars that smothered the devilishly dark night sky. To the right of the window I could see the large manor house settled on the peak of grovesby hill, standing arrogantly proud as always. It ruled over the tiny town as a reminder that none of the rest of us could ever afford such luxury. I hated it. And I definitely hated whoever lived in it. And I bet the owners were stuck-up prats who ate gold-coveted cornflakes for breakfast. Snobs.

My phone buzzed on my desk and I could see the notification was from Dion. Dion was my best mate, I'd known him since forever. I'd witnessed his downfalls and peaks, and the monthly moments when he decided to change his hair to another exotic colour (yet I never understood how the school allowed it).

I picked up my phone as I noticed the missed call logo appear at the top of my screen. Instinctively, I called Dion back and he answered within a split second.

"Hey, Aaron, I have something to ask you... I'm curious", Dion whispered, as if his entire family could hear him from his bedroom.
"What is it? Oh but please don't try proposing to me just yet, I don't think I'm ready-"
"Haha, very funny- but more importantly", he chuckled briefly until his tone turned serious, "you know how we're such great mates and tell each other everything?"
"Mhm", I hummed, looking down at my grubby nails.
"Well... Who do you have a crush on?"
He said it so suddenly I almost choked on my own saliva.
"Me?", I mumbled, "Erm well..."
"Look, I'll tell you who I like and then you can tell me who you like, deal?"
My words were caught in my throat, I didn't even know what to say or where to begin.

"I like Gwen. There. I said it", he blurted out. I could almost feel his smirk radiating through the phone as if to say 'I've waited for this moment for years'. It honestly didn't come as a surprise though, I could definitely see it coming. Gwen and Dion were like that annoying pair at school who everyone assumed were dating when actually they were just playing mind games with each other, back and forth. It was tiresome but somehow they still never got round to confessing to each other.
"Thought so", I said, fumbling with my fingers again.
"Come on, speak up."
"Dion... You see, I don't like anyone-"
"Bullshit! You can trust me, I'm not gonna blab to anyone about it", Dion spoke in a genuine manner, "just tell me, you can trust me, I'm a nice guy, please, tell meeee. Honestly, I swear on my PS4 game collection that I won't tell a soul-"
"With all your jabbering I won't get the chance to even speak."
"Ah, sorry, haha."
"OK, I'm telling the truth when I say this so... just believe me. I do not have a crush on a single person in our school or in this town or in the country or on the face of this earth. Got it?"
"Just tell me."
"Oh for crying out loud, you plonker, I don't like anyone! Is that some kind of problem?!"
"Do you have trust issues?"
I shoved my face into my pillow, muffling my groans of anger.
"You alright?", Dion said, you could tell he was slightly concerned.
"I'm fine, I just don't get why you won't believe me", I spoke after sitting up, away from the pillow.
"Well, I've gotta tell you, mate, usually most people have had a at least one crush by the age of 16", he spoke gently, as if he was confronting a toddler.
"Maybe I'm a bloody anomaly then, don't judge me!"
"Try googling it."
"Googling what?"
"Google 'Why haven't I had a crush by the age of 16?'; something must come up."
"What if I just haven't met the right person yet?"
"Don't make excuses, just google it."
I gave in and pulled my laptop off my desk, quickly typing the ridiculous question into Google and clicking the first result. "Ha, on Yahoo it says I might've just not found the right one yet, see, I was right!"
"Look at the other answers", Dion sounded mildly worried at this point, God knows why.
I scrolled down and, much to my disappointment, Dion might've been onto something. "What's an asexual?", I said, timidly.
"Do you know anything?", Dion chortled, "it's when you have no sexual feelings towards anyone, like, you don't wanna stick your dick in something because you don't feel anything when you do"
"So like having a numb cock?"
"A fucking what?"
"You said that it means you don't feel anything when you stick your penis in like a woman."
"No it doesn't mean you have a numb cock you idiot, it just means you don't have any tingly feelings of sexual pleasure I guess."

"Oh"
There was an awkward silence for a second or two.

"So am I asexual cuz I've never had a crush?", I said, slightly dumbfounded.
"Maybe... Can I ask you something?"
"Go ahead."
"Do you masturbate a lot?", he whispered, sheepishly.
"eXCUSE ME?!", I choked again.
"Do you?"
"Don't you think this is too personal, I mean, you're not my doctor."
"Please tell me, it's important."
"Well now that you mention it... No, not really."
"Well there you have it, you've never had a crush and you don't masturbate much, they're tell-tale signs of asexuality", he announced, as if he were an expert.

"Is it bad?"
"Is what bad?", Dion softened his tone.
"Being asexual?"
"Of course not. It'll just mean you'll find it harder to get a partner because most women like to have sex... and if you don't like to have sex then that's gonna be a sticky situation to handle."
"What about guys?"
"You're homo-romantic?"
"I'm what?"
"You are so clueless, Aaron, honestly", he laughed sweetly, "if you're still attracted to guys romantically but not girls then you're gay but in a non-sexual way. Do you get it?"
"Yeah, I suppose, but how can you be sure that's what I am if I've never liked a girl or a guy before?"
"Would you consider kissing a guy?"
"Yeah... If he was handsome."
"What about kissing a girl?"
"Ehh, not really."
"Then it's settled. You're a homo-romantic asexual."
"Thanks for diagnosing me?"
"You're welcome but I've got to go take a shower now so I'll talk to you at school tomorrow, bye!"
"Bye."
"Oh- and one more thing. Your new nickname is Ace".

And, like that, the conversation ended.

I didn't know how to digest all that information at once so I decided to call it a night and just sleep on it.