All of Me

Song of the chapter :

Terrible Things by Mayday Parade

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I've grown accustomed to tired eyes, tear stains, sleepless nights, and wet pillowcases. That's what comes along with the loss and depredssion of losing someone. Especially when you never got to say goodbye or hear their voice one last time or see them in person. Now all you have is pictures and you know it will never ever compare to real human interaction. Watching their body language. Their facial expressions you've come to know so well. Hearing their unique vocabulary that is only owned by them.

People say you'll move on like it never happened. You'll forget the sadness that it brought along with it. It's kind of hard to move on or forget when everything you see reminds you of the person you lost. You notice the little things you didn't know we're there before. Something always triggers a distant memory you had pushed back all the way to the far corners of your mind. Something you hadn't realized you forgotten at all and with it comes back the sadness and hollowness.

I used to be a very strong person. Always kept everything bottled inside so I wouldn't have to burden anyone with my petty problems. But when my father took a chance that did not guarantee he would live, my walls slowly started crumbling down piece by piece. A little bit of the bricks falling off everyday. That strong person I used to be was now a vulnerable little girl wondering when the sadness would go away.

Born in 1968, my father was 45 when he died. He had large cell lymphoma and he had almost conquered it when it took a turn for the worse. He had a blood clot and they needed to do an immediate procedure. They told him he might not wake up and it was his chance to take. 50/50.

I'm glad he took the chance, I really truly am. The only thing is, his family never told me and my brother it ever even took place. We weren't there for him before he went under, nor when he didn't wake up. I wish I could've said goodbye. That's what haunts me to this day.

I also wonder if he thought of me and my brother before his procedure. Did he not want to see us one last time? Hear our voices? Hug us one last time? Maybe say goodbye? I don't know if I will ever know the answers to those questions or not.

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Aurora

I'm pretty much a zombie at school since my father's death. It didn't seem like I even needed to try anymore honestly. So, I gave away all of my nice clothes, except for my church clothes, and filled my wardrobe with jeans and hoodies.

Truly who did I have to impress at this prison? No boy ever showed interest in me nor did any girl show interest to want to even talk to me. You give what you get right? The only thing I actually do at school is schoolwork and visit the library as much as I can. I'm actually not surprised that no one even tries to interact with me. I'm not the most approachable person. I most likely come off mean at times because always have a solemn look on my face.

The only person that talks to me at school is my brother Joseph, and I'm okay with that. Most people hate their siblings but we have been put through so much together we had no chance but to bond an unbreakable bond. We are the only people each of us can truly depend on.

I pull up to school in my dad's jeep. It smells like him. That's the only thing I think off when I drive it. That and why did he love this piece of crap anyways. But I shouldn't complain. This car was free and I really needed a transportation device.

Everyday to school I pop in a different CD of my dad's. Seems like today's choice is Red Hot Chili Peppers. My dad loved all of the music he listened to when he was my age. He had about every Journey, ACDC, Boston, Lynrd Skynrd, Foreigner, anything that would be considered classic rock CD s. Since that's all he ever listened to, I had grown to fancy it quite a bit.

I sat in my car while I listened to the whole Red Hot Chili Peppers CD and then decided it was time to get to class.

My first period was Trigonometry. It wasn't hard, but since it was first thing in the morning ny brain wasn't properly functioning yet.

Just make it through one more day is my mantra for all 8 hours of the day. When I finish school I go work at a local bookstore till 6. It's like a second hone to me. I love reading. If it was a person I would marry him. Reading is like magic. it can transport you places where you can forget about your problems for once and worry about a fictional characters problems.

Not many people come into the bookstore so I usually just sit around with the radio on and read. Sometimes I can finish a fairly thick book on my shift. Today was the same as always. At 8, I packed up all my stuff and locked up the store.

By the time I got home, it was 8:30 and I was already tired enough to go to bed. I took a quick shower and changed into some pajamas and crawled into bed. I picked up the picture on my nightstand of my dad and said goodnight and kissed the picture. About ten minutes after I turned out the light, my pillow was already damp with tears and I knew tonight would be another sleepless night.

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AUTHORS NOTE:

Hey guys this is my first book on wattpad and I really hope you like it! please comment vote and fan! Please comment if you like it because I'm not sure whether to go on or not.

p.s.( the story about her dad is 100% true. my dad passed away at the beginning of October and all of the first part is my story I guess.)