August 17 1006
And all at once, the happy life I contained crumbled. My beautiful Celestia slept upstairs. Lily remained soothed and quieted by Eunice. Oscar had important
business to care for and early that morning, he jumped on a train to visit a partner in the company. He would have no idea of the hell that broke loose. He would remain unaware for at least a weak. I invited Emerald over. I was lonely and the kids ought to have met Emerald and Mason's children. In a weird way, Emerald and I joked that our kids would get married. But after today, I am sure they would never meet each other. It was a shame that they had to have been torn apart before they had the chance to meet each other. Emerald showed up with Mason, her new daughter, Thorne, rested gently in her arms. She had large brown eyes just like her. Her sons, Quentin and Echo, had the eyes of their father. Two blue-grey, glassy gems. Unfortunately, this seems to have been the last day the boys could've enjoyed their matching pairs of eyes...
"I don't understand!" I whimper, holding up the soggy pages of the diary. "Someone vandalized her dairy and recently." I flick the ink dribbling down my hand. Flipping through the remaining pages, I find that it is all ruined. The black ink coated every layer and page. Not a single word was left to muster.
"Celestia? Shit, seriously?" Echo cries and rummages in the box. His head is barely visible outside of it. He extracts the last notebook in there. Flimsy, paper bound, and barely filled. The writing only extends to the sixth or seventh page. I groan and accept the dairy. I skim through it and my eyes fixate on the date.
"I can't read this!" I exclaim.
"Why not? It's the only one left," he presses.
"First, this is the day my mother died. I can't read her death," I stammer, "She didn't even write it. It doesn't match the rest of the writing. Second, it's my father's." My fingers peel between the pages, examining the inky mess and eraser marks. My father is as official in the diary as he is today. Doodles he drew are scratched out. Edges aren't folded inward. His writing is short and mostly dialogue. I have no concept of his inner thoughts. He's so official and practical about everything. Somewhere between the time my mother left and came back, he lost his fun artist qualities. I wish I knew that father. The father who could laugh with his wife and children. The father who accepted magic and practiced it with his wife. The father who looked at his daughters and saw potential. I run my fingertips over the edges of the notebook.
"Are you gonna read it?" Echo interjects.
"I don't know. I think I can't," I admit.
"It might give us a clue. I think we should read it," he says.
"Really? It's her death," I choke out. My words falter on death.
"Celestia, that day was important. I was there," he says, adding a sassy qualify to his last phrase. As humorous and coy as it was, it makes my eyes and ears perk up.
"You were there!" I exclaim, "What do you remember?"
"Nothing, I must've only been five years old. Everyone else in the scene who could remember something has already croaked," he explains.
"I see," I whimper, with a heavy sigh.
June 11, 1007
"If this is love, then I hate it. It hurts too much to be a good thing," Helena moans. I cup my hands around her wet, splotchy face. Her skin is ashy and grey, with the exception of red spots under her watery eyes.
"We've had the time of our lives together, huh?" I remark.
"Till death due us part," she susurrates.
"I won't move on," I promise, but then I add, "I can't move on." I remove my hands from her delicate cheeks.
"Gina isn't me, I know that. She's not my soul, she doesn't have these cursed eyes," she giggles through a sniffle, "But, I never want Celestia and Lily to be without a mother."
"Gina will never be as good as a mother as you!" I argue. My voice raises, loud, Helena begins to become tense. Her eyes grow rigid, searching beyond my words and pondering the other side.
"Please," she pleads.
"She'll never be you! I know she won't. I don't care. I just," I pause to let myself breathe, then my voice softens, "love you."
"We said until death due us part. It's time to let me go," she reasons.
"I don't care! I'll never stop loving you. I won't move on. Because it's just you and me forever. The sun will come up tomorrow and paint red across the dawn sky. All I'll think about is your green eyes. I'll be in love with you tomorrow. When it snows, when it rains, when it thunders and storms, and when the sky is clear all my love is for you. I'll be in love with you when your bones are dust and I see the light. The light will grow into my brain and consume me. But, it will be in happiness because I know then I can see you again. When I find you again, I'll be an old man and you'll still look like sunshine. But, I'll kiss your lips and hold your hands," I wail and place her cold, grey hands in my warm hands.
She runs her fingers over my wrist, "Oscar, you cut your bands."
"I was hoping you wouldn't notice," I laugh.
"You cut them awhile ago," she inspects, "don't think I don't notice things."
"I hate magic. It just makes me think of you!"
"I'm sorry."
"I look at Celestia," I sigh, "and all she is is you."
"I know you hate it. But, please don't hate her."
"Alright."
"It's only a few minutes until midnight. Tomorrow will be her birthday," she reminds me. I want to punch the clock.
"I know."
"Do you have any regrets?"
"Nothing."
"Really? You don't regret anything? Not even pulling from the river that one June night exactly fifteen year and two this damn minute? You could've just let me there and sink to the bottom. I'm sorry about all the pain and shit I put you through. I get the feeling that if we never met, you'd be happier. You'd still be an artist and you wouldn't be stuck with this boring office job. You would've married someone you could grow old with. You'd never feel this pain, you'd never feel a love so turbulent. This would've never torn you apart," she weeps. Glassy, electric tears slip down her cheeks. She doesn't move her hands to even wipe the tears, she just allows them to suffocate her face.
"Helena! Don't say that!"
"I'm sorry."
"Being with you is the only life worth living. It could be a storm and tear me apart. No matter how turbulent it is, you are the steadiness. All I need is to love you. Forever and until the end of time," I choke out, glancing at the clock.
"I love you," Helena whispers. She closes her eyes, only to never open them back up.
