I feel like the left over ashes after you've smoked your last cigarette.
I'm destined to burn in hell when it's all said and done and I have more regrets than one should have in the span of 10 lifetimes.
I don't deserve this, but I don't deserve you. You could do better than the shit I give you, yet you've stayed.
It's been a year, and I've made your life worse. It's been a year and I'm so infatuated with someone who I've broken down to billions of pieces.
There's a mystery as to why I've done everything, your curiosity makes me question myself as well.
I hate myself, this life that is calling me forward I couldn't give one fuck about.
Maybe that's why the people that try for me, that are there for me, I push away. Scratch the "Maybe..", it is why I push you away, it's why I push everyone away. I'm asking for help, and lighting up the giving hands on fire.
I'm a piece of shit, that hasn't a heart. I don't do anything nice for anyone, and I blow off the faith I had in myself with pity.
Who's thoughtful? Not this guy.
And yet you've stayed.
I can't understand why, I make you feel like nothing, I make you feel so empty, so alone.
Where was I when you needed me, when you need me?
I'll burn in hell for it all, just you believe, karma will bite me in the ass and eat my soul without a mind of forgiveness.
Who'm I to shame another for the same mistakes I made myself?
Who'm I to tell you I'm here for you, and let you down?
What hypocrite I am. A hypocrite I am.
And for a second I could've swore I was doing everything right, that I had gotten the help I needed to move on from my past doings.
How wrong was I?!
Jokes on me, I was wrong the whole time, believing in my own lie that I was changed, believing in my own lie that I was okay. But the sad part is, it isn't even funny, it isn't even a joke, sarcasm,or anything but the truth. The sad part is, this is unfixable, and you'll always see me as the same person.
People don't change, especially not over night.
I thought I could, I thought that 3 weeks was enough, I thought a lot of things, but I never thought about exactly what you had to go through.
Damn, what a mess I am. And what "sorry" can fix that? Is an apology even enough? I've done too much, and I'd look like a fool.
I am too attached to someone I should put more effort into.
