Poems and Other Stuff Like That

Skinny

I've grown to like being hungry
To look forward to the emptiness in my stomach
I've grown to enjoy, no crave, that feeling
The same way you would crave chocolate or ice cream or cake
I crave the feeling of hunger
I crave the ability to count all my ribs again
I crave the black spots that will flutter across my eyes whenever I stand
If it means I can be thin
I want to be thin
And if I die while trying that's better
Than be complacent in being fat
I'm dying for collarbones
And hip bones
And hands so fragile they look like glass
And ribs, being able to count every single one
And to be able to be the skinny girl
Because if I need to leave a mark
And if it's not the pretty one
The smart one
The sporty one
The odd one out
Then it'll be the skinny one
I'll be the girl that people whisper about in the corridor
The girl that everyone knows
And it will be then
And only then
That I will feel some sort of happiness
But then my skin will turn grey and yellow
And my hair dull and brittle along with my fingernails
And I will find hair all over my body
And I will never be warm, even in summer
And that is when I want to ask myself
Is skinny really worth it
And I won't answer
No one will answer
Until my mother finds my malnourished body
Lying cold and dead on the bathroom
And when she lets out the most heartbreaking scream and starts to cry
Whispering no to herself
That it couldn't possibly be her daughter
That is when I'd have my answer