Chapter 1:
(tylers pov)
he had been particularly hard on me that week.
1:42am
I knew what was happening soon as my eyes blinked open
- would would it be like if you were dead?
i shift in my bed trying to ignore him
- if you were dead, your parents would have to spend all the money they don't have trying to save you
I turn over one more time lightly shaking my head
- and it would be so easy to just die
I'm fully awake by now and I sit up. My heart pounds in my chest and I try to focus on the rhythm like my therapist told me. But the fact that it's racing so hard just reminds me that I'm not ok
- what's wrong? can't handle a little joke?
please stop, I whisper. my lips start to quiver and my finger shake
- you're just a worthless piece of shit, your parents don't like you anyway
- you're too much work
- why couldn't you have just been normal
- a burden
please...please...stop, i say a little louder this time
- remember that really big knife in the kitchen? under the sink? your parents try to hide them, but you know where they are. you should get that knife.
my stomach sinks
- you could just kill them. or better yet just kill yourself
JUST FUCKING STOP! i scream.
my whole body shakes now as tears race down my hot cheeks
- just take it and slide it down your wrist
go away
- and as the blood trickles down your skinny wrist you'll finally be happy?
STOP! my voice cracks in pain.
my body feels numb
my throat aches
like a hand curled around it
- just die your worthless
- not even your parents like you.
everything goes black
i hear my head crash to the floor and my mothers scream
i don't know where I am but it feels nice
calm
small yellow lights dance across the sky, fuzzy and round
there's so much movment and noises
but its all are blurry
blurry
like static
but everything eventually stops and it's quite
but unfamiliar
and all that's left of the night is a rhythmic beeping and hushed whimpers
i know where you stand
2:45am
