chapter 3
tyler pov
5:58am
things are still and peaceful. they haven't felt this way in a while. it's probably just the happy juice that's bleeding though my body, but it feels oddly good to know that.
my eyes drift to the other side of the room, comforted by the thought of josh there. i barely know him but I feel like we are more similar than I can imagine.
the curtain are drawn closed
- he probably hates you
i knew you weren't gone, and no he doesn't hate me
- you're just the crazy loser next to him. he's just being nice to you so you don't go all insane crazy and kill someone
I don't need you right now, just leave me alone
I shift in bed and slide my feet over the side. The ground is cold against my toes.
i sit at the edge of the bed for a few moments deciding whether it's worth it to get out. I can already feel how weak my legs are but I want to see Josh. With all my energy I push myself up, shifting my arm to grab my iv rack to help me steady myself. standing there for a second as my head gets light.
I shuffle to the curtain barley able to lift up my feet. as im pulling it open a shiver runs down my spin.
he's so peaceful and elegant. he looks untouched, pure, happy. I step closer,analyzing his face.
it's so comforting. the way his face seems so youthful, yet chiseled with matureness. he's been though a lot, but someone how it's not obvious. no bags under his eyes. no acne or wrinkles.
they are all replaced with laugh lines and dimples
"hey josh," I place on his wrist and lately shake him. "josh" I say again unable to keep from smiling. I
"hey... josh"
- he's probably dead
"josh come on wake up," I say letting out a slight laugh.
- see. he's dead.
wow, he's a heavy sleeper.
"j...josh wake up," I shake him hard. my voice quivers a little bit. I realize that my fingers arecollided around his wrist... he doesn't have a a pulse.
"josh!" i scream.
"josh wake the fuck up!" I shake him extremely hard.
"n... nurse! nurse!"
my whole body is shaking violently and my head continues to get weaker. I can barely see. I open the door,
this is a fucking hospital where the fucking nurses.
"SOMEONE HELP!" a tiny frail woman appears from behind a door
"no screaming sir." she voices nasally and bitchy, obviously not giving a shit.
"jos- the guy in my room... he's fucking dying!"
"calm down sir, we have a code blue in room 207" I run back to the bed and start shaking him again. suddenly the thought of his youthful face feels morbid and the hair on my neck raise.
"josh..josh! josh, don't die. josh! wake the fuck up!"
I realize I have tears streaming down my face.
nurses fluster
my mind goes blurry.
unable to think, I keep shaking. I hear murmur's and talking as nurses pull and prod him, pressing buttons, and sticking in needles.
"we're going to need you to move" I hear voices repeat. A woman grabs my shoulder and starts to pull me away. I turn around and hit her hand off, her face disgusted.
"sir you're going to have to go," she grabs me and pulls me to my bed, shoving me down
"no please.." I whimper with the only energy I have left.
"josh..."
before I know it, he's hustled out the door with a group of nurses. the door is shut behind. my eyes are stinging with tears and my heart beats to a hyper beat. unable to do anything else, I lay down and begin to sob.
- I told you so you fucking little pussy
my tears fall harder. my eyes close in pain.
but as soon as they close, I am awakened by my moms soft hand. the lights are blinding and hazy.
"mom..mom..? what..? where's josh? I stutter, sitting up quickly, making myself lightheaded.
"he's right here honey," she moves the curtain and sure enough, there's josh. with his dumb smile, looking right at me
"what happened...last night," I say, swallowing hard, looking back at my mom.
"nothing honey, I think you were having a bad dream though, you were moving quite a lot last night"
my heart finally starts to slow down.
it was a dream
a dream
god fucking dammit blurry why do you have to do this to me?
- because you're still a pussy
i can't roll my eyes enough
•
I reach over and grab my journal, eyeing the last page
i know, I haven't been the best
10:36am
