Fingerprints ( #1 BOOK IN THE SERIES )

August (Part One)

"Can you believe it's August already?" Cory asks me one morning while he is changing Erin's nappy.

"Is it? I've lost all track of time. It could be snowing outside and I wouldn't even think twice about it." I tell him which is true. My mind keeps wondering elsewhere, making it hard to focus on things including keeping track of time. I keep having days where I want to lock myself in my room and hide away from the rest of the world; forget that any of this ever happened. I don't though, I get up, get changed ad pretend that everything is okay.

"Will you take her for a minute please? Kristen are you listening?" I only realise that Cory is talking to me when he mentions my name.

"What?" I ask him sounding confused. My mind had wondered off again.

"Will you take the baby?" he asks but it isn't a question as he gives me Erin to hold so he can go and get changed. I look at her and I feel completely different from the first time I held her and saw her. Then I was filled with happiness and joy but now I feel so detached from her. I wanted to hold her, take care of her, cuddle her and it seems that all of that has changed. I now need to be told when I have to hold my own daughter. I feel lucky that she isn't crying because I struggle to cope with her when Cory or my mum is around, never mind when I'm on my own.

It's only five minutes later when Cory comes back but it feels like it could have been five hours. Erin didn't even stir in my arms but for me it didn't feel right, she feels like a heavy weight in my arms.

"Do you want her back?" I ask Cory.

"You can keep hold of her if you want. I was thinking that we could take her out, only a walk to the park or something. What do you think?"

"Isn't it a bit soon for that? She isn't even a month old and you want to take her to the park?" what I really mean is 'isn't it a bit soon for me to be going out'. The thought fills me with dread because what if we run into someone we know from school? And what about the looks we'll get off random strangers, judging us because of how young we are.

"I'm sure she'll be fine. The park is ten minutes away. We don't have to be out that long if you're worried." He tries to reassure me. At least it looks like I'm playing the part of a concerned mother.

"Why don't you take her out by yourself? I could do with the time alone, catch up on some sleep. That kind of thing." He looks at me for a minute, unsure what to do and I start to think that I haven't convinced him to go.

"I might do. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, just tired and I don't really feel like going out right now. I feel like a mess because everything I own seems to be covered in baby sick. Maybe later on in the week?" I try and put it off.

Somehow I manage to convince Cory to take Erin out and I feel glad to have so time alone. I really have been having trouble sleeping but that could be less to do with me and more to do with Erin crying throughout the night. Either way, it leads to me feeling sleepy during the day that I do decide to go to bed and catch up on sleep. I doze off with no problem but it isn't long until I'm woken up to the sound of laughing. I stay where I am and listen to what is going on. There are several people laughing and it doesn't take me long to realise who is there.

Cory must have bumped into or decided to meet up with Adam, Laura and Maddie. I lay in bed deciding whether I should go down and say hello or stay in bed. I opt for the staying in bed option. I haven't really seen them since they first came over to visit Erin. At first it was because I was too busy and people were constantly coming over anyway but now I don't want to see them. I don't really want to see anybody. There's a big part of me that hopes they won't stay for very long but I know that that won't happen.