i'm happy that I tried being happy once before, or maybe multiple times but i'm sad no one would accept that, especially my demons
i'm happy that we're finally going home today but i'm sad that it's just going to be another day back in hell
i'm happy that i get to see my family again but i'm sad that all we're gonna do is fight
i'm happy that my dad isn't always tense and that he's funny sometimes but i'm sad that the only time he is, is when he drinks or smokes
i'm happy that he let's me have friends over but i'm sad that he'll point out one bad thing wrong on them & tell him to go home if they don't fix it right away, why does he have to be an ass to my friends to the point where he has to make people cry
i'm happy that he doesn't yell all the time but i'm sad that he yells most of the time to me and my friends, that's if my friends even bother speaking to me that day
i'm happy that he helps the family by working, but i'm sad that he doesn't really do anything once he gets home, he wants to do nothing but drink and lay in bed all day
i'm happy he's never physically abused someone but i'm sad that he doesn't understand that mental abuse hurts too
i'm happy that my grandparents we're nice enough to take me on vacation but i'm sad that all they do is get upset/disappointed in me even when I try my best
i'm happy that my mother cares so much, but i'm sad that she doesn't understand and she'll just judge me every way that she can
i'm happy that we have a home but i'm sad that it's the only home we got and we can barely afford anything right now
i'm happy that my brother tries, but i'm sad that he doesn't understand just like my mom doesn't...he's just a bit more worse at understanding
i'm happy that I have a brother but i'm sad that all he wants to do is get himself into trouble
i'm happy that I get to talk to the guy I fell in love with, but i'm sad that none of the people that been there for me will love him just as much as I do
i'm happy that he loves me back but i'm sad that I can't be with him
i'm happy that I get to talk to the boy that makes me smile but i'm sad that he's going to hurt me again just like before & i'm scared he might just be taking advantage of me
i'm happy that I get to talk to my best friend again but i'm sad that I might/won't be able to trust her because of the past and the way she would always lie to me and everyone around her
i'm happy that I stopped cutting but i'm sad that I might want to start again
i'm happy that I haven't given up, but i'm sad that I've tried before and it's only getting worse
i'm happy that I get to see familiar faces at school but i'm sad no one really notices me
i'm happy that I got good grades to make my parents happy and that they wouldn't have to pay for me to go to college but i'm sad just in general and therapists define grades that go down as depressed and it just makes me sadder because they really don't understand, they don't realize
i'm happy that I got to see a therapist but i was also sad because I didn't really want to see her at the same time and seeing her just made everything worse
i'm happy that I love food but i'm sad that i'll get too fat
i'm happy that i'm losing weight but i'm sad that I can't eat the things I like without gaining more weight
i'm happy that people do nice things for other people but i'm sad because they always expect something in return
i'm happy that people realize they're mistakes but i'm sad that not a lot of people are like that & they don't bother doing anything about it to fix it
i'm happy that I smoke weed to calm me but i'm sad that I'll become just like my father
i'm happy that I try to fit in, try and wear the same clothes & try and talk the same but i'm sad because deep inside I know i'm not like them & I never actually fitted in, I just didn't match that style but I wanted to
i'm happy to be alone, that way I don't have to fake who I really am or deal with untrusting people, but i'm sad that I hate being alone
i'm happy that I used to have friends but i'm sad that they always like to treat me like shit, just someone they wanted so they're not alone and used me as some kind of dog they never let off the leash because they wanted the dog to follow them everywhere and the other friends? they didn't really care enough about the stupid dog but the dog always cares about it's owners right?
i'm happy that they were still my friends but i'm sad that they never gave one fuck about my feelings, no one would even notice I was on the verge of tears
i'm happy that I have a family and that they love me and care about me, but i'm sad that they don't understand and all they do is judge, like it's a crime to support me in any way
i'm happy i'm looking for a solution but i'm sad and also scared that I might believe drinking would be one
And I don't want to believe that, because then i'll be believing
in what my father believes
i'm happy but i'm sad
