Silent Moments (A Collection of Short Stories)

One.

(Inspired by the song "Dancing On My Own" by Robyn)

The drink in my hand stings my throat. I had asked the bartender to get me the strongest drink they had. I lean back on the table, watching the dance floor.

Watching him.

His smile is so wide and his eyes are bright. If only I could be the reason why he's that happy. For him to look at me like he sees the whole world in front of him. I want him to return a sliver of the feelings that I feel for him.

I remember when we first met. He needed a dollar for the coffee he was buying and I just so happened to be standing behind him. It was the nice thing to do, to give him a dollar. I was also hoping he would thank me and start a conversation with me later because I thought he was very attractive. He did talk to me that day. We talked about everything we could think of and that night we became best friends. He also so happened to go to my high school, so that was a bonus. He picked me up from home and we would drive to school together, and he would drop me off home afterwards. Not a day went by where we didn't talk. We were inseparable. And I was in love with him.

Then she came into his life. She transferred from some other high school from some other state. He was asked to help her around and get her familiar with the place. So he did and they became friends. They hung out a lot and they slowly started becoming very close. He started to forget about me. He would talk about her. We wouldn't talk every day anymore because he would be talking to her.

I remember the day I was going to tell him that I wanted to be more than friends. I had rehearsed what I was going to say a million times and then a facetime call popped up on my phone. It was him. Right when I was going to tell him, he told me he liked her and that he wanted to be with her but he didn't know what to do. He asked for my help... and I gave it to him. All I wanted was him to be happy and she made him happy. So that's all that mattered to me.

They soon started to date and they got even closer. I also remember the day he told me he loved her. He was so nervous yet so happy because he found someone he cared about so much. That meant he didn't love me... he didn't care about me as much as he cared for her. And fuck it hurt. It hurts to know that you have someone so close, yet so far. It hurts to know that they can never be yours. It hurts to know that you weren't good enough for them. It hurts so much. And the worst part was that she was perfect. She was beautiful and she was one of the nicest people I had ever met.

The day of graduation he told her he wanted to move in together but, that was our plan. After high school we'd go to Columbia together and buy the apartment we saw and fell in love with. And if one of us didn't get in, the other wouldn't go either. But that didn't happen. I didn't get into Columbia. They both did and they bought that apartment. He said he was sorry but she really wanted to go there. That's when I realized I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't handle this much pain. So I left. I moved to California because that was also our plan and went to UCLA. I didn't speak to him for 5 years after that. I didn't find anyone either because I was still hung up on this guy who would never be mine.

A random June night I had gotten an invitation. It was to their wedding. That's when the dam broke. That's when I realized I had lost my chance. I had lost the one person that meant so much to me, to this girl who is absolutely perfect and deserving of this amazing guy. On the invitation it had a little note that said to call him, so I did and hearing his voice was the best feeling in the world. We talked about the past few years and he told me about his proposal. We cried together. Him because of his life to be and me because of the life I could've had. He asked me to be his best man and we laughed about it seeing that I was a girl but, I accepted nonetheless.

The day of his wedding he wasn't nervous at all. He was confident because he knew he wanted to do this and he knew it was the right decision. The ceremony was beautiful. He looked handsome and she looked beautiful. He even cried when she was walking down the aisle. The look in his eyes, the one of pure love, was the look I was hoping to get. The vows were the ones that I had hoped he would have said to me. They kissed like it was the last time they would see each other and they smiled like their world was complete.

And now here I am at the reception.. They are having their first dance as bride and groom while I am here drinking away my feelings. They look so happy together. They have something that I won't ever be able to have. And the worst part is that he will never know how I feel about him. He will never know the truth. He is with her now and I can't sabotage that. That would be cruel to the both of them.

40, 50 years from now they will have children and grandchildren. They will have this nice house in this beautiful neighborhood. But most importantly they will have each other. I can't ruin their futures for my own selfish desires.

I look at him one last time as I down my maybe eighth glass of vodka. I smile at the thought of what could've been and then I walk out of that room. He looked at me in confusion. I walk out of that building hoping he would stop me, but he doesn't. I leave knowing I will probably never see him again.