Silent Moments (A Collection of Short Stories)

Three.

(true story)

I first saw it on a winter night. I was covered head to toe because of the cruel winter winds. I walked inside the store, not thinking much was going to happen. Nothing has happened before, why would anything happen today? I haven't seen it before but I already knew it wasn't going to impact my life in any way. I didn't even think much of it when I first saw it. I always told myself I would try to avoid things like that.

Ha, I was so naïve.

The next time I saw it, I had an interaction with it. I saw it for a few minutes and then it was gone, before I even knew it. I left that day not thinking much of it. The possibility of that thing ruining my life didn't even cross my mind.

A few weeks past before I saw it again. I actually found myself anticipating its return. This time I saw it for longer and let it into my life, into my emotions. I knew I would regret it, but I was young and stupid. I always was this shy adolescent that never cut loose. This was a spontaneous decision and I told myself I wouldn't get addicted. Fucking hell was I wrong...

A week passed and so did another. I found myself thinking about it daily. I would see it and it would leave me more satisfied that before. I loved it. I convinced myself I needed it. It was an addiction. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop. I knew it was only going to leave me fucked up in the end but I didn't care. I was in too deep to care.

This time I had to wait two months before its return. Those two months were hell. I needed to see it again. I needed to feel it again...the happiness, the emotions. Every time I let it in, all of my problems vanished. Everything bad in my life didn't seem like a problem anymore. Two months were more than enough to be over it. When I finally did see it, I wasn't anticipating it. All of those emotions came rushing back. I needed to try it again and I did. It was the best feeling in the world. That night I came home and I cried. I cried and cried until there was nothing left but blank eyes staring at the beige canvas that was my wall. I had realized how much it controlled my life. How much I let it control my life. How much it ruined me. How much it made me give up. I told myself I had to stop and I did stop... well at least until I saw it again.

This time it was four months and goddamn, I honestly thought I was over it. It's been so long, I had to be. My god, I had even forgotten about it for a while. All of my friends told me stop. My family of course didn't know about it. They wouldn't agree with it. But when I did see it that night it was like I was falling. It was like I lived in a world full of darkness and I had seen color for the first time. I was ecstatic. But, it was then I realized it wasn't it. It was something different. All my emotions dropped on the floor.

After that, week after week, I would wait to see it again, but it was never there. It was like it had vanished off the face of the earth. I would walk into that store alert, to catch a glimpse of it just for reassurance that it was still there. It wasn't.

It's been three years and I still find myself affected by it. Not a day goes by where I don't think of it. I still have hope. These days that's all I have. Everytime I walk into that store, my heart speeds up and a pang of nostalgia hits me. But it slows once I leave knowing I will never see it again. And it hurts. God, it fucking hurts. I remember my words everyday. I told myself that I am not that type of person. I won't let it affect me. But I let it, and I regret it everyday. My mother warned me about the drugs on the streets but not the one with two eyes and a heartbeat...