Tough Girl

21: Insecure

This chapter is dedicated to HVScully and SiddyKnowsBest. You are wonderful. :) Thank you so much for becoming a part of this story process. Every comment is a compliment, that goes for everyone.

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It was holiday weekend. Thank goodness.

"I propose a holiday," Luke yelled from the center of my living room. Everyone was here, all nine of them. Most of them were still in pajamas from breakfast a few minutes ago.

I snorted. "Um, Luke. What do you think this is?"

Everyone laughed. "What I meant is," Luke started again, "That we have a party. Do something spontaneous. Go somewhere."

"Yeah," Gabe chimed in. "No depressing stuff about family issues or bullies or fights and especially no insults or insecurity from you, Trouble."

I stuck my tongue out at Gabe, who stuck his tongue right back out at me. "Meanie," I whined.

Nathan laughs, amused. "Are we doing nicknames now?"

My lips purse. "Would that be okay?"

All the boys nod, giving me their okay. I smile. "I only have nicknames for two people. That's Superman, and that's Meanie." I point to Silas and Gabriel. Everyone laughs so I laugh too. "You guys will have nicknames too, eventually. I think." I bite my lip.

"Can we give you nicknames?" Silas asks. I nod. If I can, so can they. Right? Of course I am.

"Let's go see a movie," I said, finding a sudden burst of spontaneity. Everyone raised their eyebrows.

"Now?" Kota asked, pushing up his glasses. I giggled because his eyebrows raised above his glasses looked funny. I put on a straight face.

"In five minutes. If you aren't ready by then, you aren't coming."

Mr. Blackbourne cleared his throat. "You don't drive. How will you get there?"

"I actually can drive. I just don't have anything to drive. It's like my fighting. I can, but I don't." I frown and run back down to Silas. "You are okay, aren't you?"

"Of course," he chuckles. "The only thing that hurts Superman is kryptonite, large cars-"

"And me."

I run back up the stairs and pick an outfit. I choose a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a gray tank top. I slip a ten dollar bill in my pocket. I can't remember where the jeans came from. Probably back with a girlfriend I went shopping with. Or my mom's friend. Who knows.

I left my hair down and curly and ran back downstairs. Most of the boys were ready, except a few that were slipping shirts over their heads. How were they so fit? I blushed and looked away. Gabe appeared from the chaos, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the bathroom. I squeaked as he shut the door behind us.

"What are you wearing?"

"Clothes," I whispered. Being this close made me a little uncomfortable.

He snorted. "Where did they come from?"

"Why? Does it look bad?" I asked, my self esteem slowly lowering itself. He watched my eyes, frowning and pulling me in for a hug.

"No, no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. They look good on you. Like...really good. Like, ON FIRE good."

I giggle. "Do I really look that hot? Just from the jeans? Or is it me?"

Gabe frowns and pulls away, pushing a hair behind my ear. "Sang."

"I know, I know. No insecurity. But it doesn't just go away, Gabe. If you won't answer me, that's fine. I'm just curious." I look away from his eyes. He sighs, pulling my chin towards his.

"Listen to me okay? You are beautiful. It's all natural. You don't need makeup or dresses or anything that everyone else says you do. You don't need to be skinny and you don't need anyone else's standards of beautiful. All you need is you. I know that insecurity doesn't just go away." He pauses to smooth his hand over my hair. "I get insecure too," he whispers.

My eyes tear up. "Really?"

"Yeah," he says. I'm not the one looking away this time.

"Why? You're always dressed so nice. So...you. And you're amazing. I always wish I could be more like you."

"You don't know what it's like to be me."

I frown, a couple tears in my eyes. "I guess not. But you don't have to be so mysterious about it." I step around him, his eyes widening in shock. He reaches for my wrist but I open the door and step out. I almost run into Nathan who is standing outside the door. "Hi Nathan." I step around him too and walk to my entry hall. I grab a jacket.

"I'm walking," I call over my shoulder. I shut the door behind me, hearing feet pounding. The door swings back open and there are various protests.

"Can I walk with you?" Nathan asks. I frown.

"Um. You can walk behind me. I'm sorry I'm being a jerk...I'm just thinking about a lot right now. Okay? I'm going now."

Everyone seems to relax at the thought that at least Nathan will be with me. I start walking.

I mean... I have the right to be a little annoyed, don't I? I've shared all my  secrets, but I've barely heard one from them. Does that make me selfish? I can't help but feel something's- off. The way that sometimes they disappear. That they all fight. I don't get it.

I start to run, trying to get my blood flowing. I need to release all of my built up energy. Exercise is supposed to be a great stress reliever right? I focus all my negative thoughts into my joints. Thoughts of my parents and secrets and school, and I smile as I feel the negative energy leaving my body. I arrive at the movie theatre faster than I figure I would. I don't care what I look like because it's probably horrible.

We order tickets for a movie. I sit in between Luke and Kota and enjoy a movie. Even though I can figure they're hiding something, I'll just have to live with it for now. They'll tell me when they're ready.

The movie makes me laugh because it makes the boys laugh.