Things to trade

What happened?

For a year small scratches barely breaking skin appeared every day, but not blood why cant I bleed again 'you're weak' , the voice in my head spoke again its been awhile I was kind of grateful to have my voice back to be completely honest. Bites, bruises, scratches they aren't good enough if you don't bleed they will never be enough just like you!  "stop" you know its all that will ever make you smile "Stop" just do what you did that day again your mother wont notice she never does!   "STOP!" YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES IT STOP!  'fine', I said  in my head so only we could hear. I jumped off the cabinet I was previously seated on.  A smile crept onto my face once I caught  sight of my favorite knife "beautiful"  we spoke together once again. Like before I poked the knife to my neck only this time to the side of my throat once again walking to the fridge only to quickly bring my head near it. "now that was nice"  we spoke again, I smiled and pushed the skin to bring more blood to the surface, "that's not enough" we said hmm well if we both said it, it must be right. We repeated the whole cycle again three more times before we decided to clean the knife. The next day we decided to make this our daily schedule we decided we would do this every morning at 7:30 when my grandmother was outside smoking and mother as always, was sleeping, "love", "beautiful", "art"  we would always say these things together and it was amazing what our love could do. There was another thing we always agreed on, we couldn't tell anyone. we continued loving until I was twelve that year was important to me I always seemed happy but never did I love