Dealing with Mine(Lauren/You)

Good Intention, Maybe

"I remember Lauren. I remember."

Happiness, hurt, love, lust. These are one of the most drastic emotions a person could feel in their lifetime. And right now they were all undoubtedly present inside my chest. How else should someone in my position be feeling?

They were written on Lauren's face as well.

Our foreheads by this point were no longer leaning against one other's. Instead I moved my hands towards her own in order to not break our contact. Her long fingers intertwined with mine and it felt like we were silently asking for each other's strength to get through this.

There was so much I wanted to say, and have been meaning to say, for the longest time. 

If you have ever loved someone in your lifetime, you would understand the way your heart no longer seems to beat for just yourself but for your better half as well.

Now take all of those emotions and multiply them three times, because it seems that I have loved Lauren in one way or another in each of mine.

 I'll admit, I am afraid of all I could do now and with what I have learned. But truthfully, I am more terrified of pushing Lauren away after barely sharing a part of our feelings.

However I have acknowledged the fact that I am not the same person I was in all of my other lifetimes, because now I am all of them combined. Every experience, every touch, every sight has come alive in my mind leaving me clueless as to who I really am. The worst part is that I am aware of my walls slowly building back up as I grasp Lauren's hand in my own. And because of this realization, I didn't want to pull away from her warmth. If anything it gave me more reason to want to hold onto her tighter than ever before.

Lauren's eyes glazed over as she brought her free hand to cover her mouth, shaking her head slightly side to side. It's like she knew what was going on inside my mind without me having to say any words.

"Please don't Y/N."

Those three words made me feel ashamed. She knew I was built to pull away from my emotions and that I have done it before.

I used my free hand to run a hand through my locks in frustration.

Here I was in the presence of someone who means the world to me even when the real one has been cruel to me, and I am falling into the temptations of my defenses. What hurts the most is that I wish I could just flip a switch and just let myself fall.Unfortunately, it seems that my mind has a different agenda than my heart.

My heart tries to convince me that I am allowed to be loved by someone as lovely as Lauren but it's hard. And I know it's foolish but I really am trying to change this very moment. Because Lauren is worth the fight, worth it all.

She has been the only one to really make me feel alive whenever she crosses my path, and if that is not a sign then I don't know what is. If I keep pushing back, I'll always feel an overwhelming sensation that I am missing a part of me...

I am okay with being alone but not being lonely and Lauren took away that feeling.

Her sniffling brought me out of my thoughts and my eyes scanned her features with admiration. The wonderful thing about the green eyed girl is that her beauty doesn't just run skin deep. The word beautiful describes every single aspect of her and that is rare to find in someone.

"Don't worry Lauren I-"

My phone received a message, interrupting me. I wouldn't have looked at the screen but it was Simon's ringtone he claimed would be only for emergencies. It rang once more when I thought of ignoring it, as if it was warning me to pay attention.