Maybe You Saved Me

The Good, And The Bad

Dan-

I wanted to say it back, I wanted to tell him that I am also in love with him. It just did not seem special enough. I had to keep myself from speaking to him till I left, I was afraid I might say it. I had this whole plan, it was something incredibly special. Phil is going to love it.

I smiled to myself when I looked around the opening in the forest. It is the first place me and Phil met, strange I know, and it has been our spot since then. The stuffed lion I bought him was stashed in the picnic basket that also had pancakes, some coffee, and cupcakes.

All the things Phil loves.

There was also some lanterns, a blanket, two pillows, and a flower that I bought for Phil. I picked up my phone to call him, I would of texted him but I miss the sound of his voice.

"Dan?", Phil says after less then one ring.

"Hey there Lion", I respond.

"Where are you! I have been so worried!"

"I am at our spot, sorry for worrying you, but can you come hear please?"

"I'm getting in the car now, I will see you in a bit, just stay there", and with that last sentence he hung up.

I had to calm my nerves the whole time I waited. What was actually 5 minutes, felt like forever.

"Dan", I look behind me where Phil was and I ran to him and hugged him.

He hugged back, and when we pulled away I kissed him, he seemed kind of tense but relaxed when he saw me.

Without talking I pull Phil to the picnic I prepared for us. "Wow, is this were you have been all day?", Phil questioned and I just nodded. "Why don't we eat something", I gestured to Phil to get food from the basket, when I realized that the lion was on the other side of the basket. Before he could reach it I turned the basket and Phil pauses looking at me. He then opens it, his eyes widening when he takes out the stuffed animal. I turn around and grab the rose quick, then turn back.

"Phil", I start, "you are amazing and wonderful, you are the light of my life, you are so beautiful. You are awesome and in my eyes perfect. I love everything about you. Your eyes, your nose, your hair, your personality, and your company. You make me laugh and I smile every time you are around. I love you and I love who you are. What I am trying to say is", I paused," I Daniel James Howell am absolutely in love with you, Philip Michael Lester", I let that settle in before I continue, "And one more thing I love about you, your lips."

I lean in quick and give him a big kiss, it was passionate yet gental. I pull away and look into his eyes that had tears in them. I whip away a stray one and wisper, "Why are you crying lion?"

"You Dan, I am crying because of you", I look at him with confusion. How could I make him so sad by saying these things. He then cleared things up by saying, "You make me so, so happy".

He then kissed me.

-------------------------

It has been an hour of me and Phil eating and star gazing when Phil stood up. "what'cha doin", I asked. "I just have to pee". Then he left. I still haven't told him that I gave him my virginity, It is a big deal for me to loose something so special, Phil knows that, he just didn't know that I was still a virgin and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

I hear a buz and I look beside me to see Phils phone. I don't think he will care if I check it for him. So I unlocked it and clicked on the notification that lead me straight to something I didn't want to see.

How did someone video tape us without me even knowing!? I am paralyzed in feer, I can't go back to school, not after this. Now everyone  has seen me and my boyfriend have sex...

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. I did cry, uncontrollably, as I read the coments;

'Eww, there gross'

'I can't belive I go to school with a fag like this'

'this is discussing'

'this is gonna give me nightmares'

'I think I might puke!'

And the worst one, the one that really got me crying;

'I CAN'T BELIVE THIS! I DIDN'T RAISE A FAG! This is just disturbing'

I always knew that my dad was a homophobe, I did not want him finding out like this. Phil comes back and just hugs me when he sees me crying.

"What happened, Dan? Talk to me please"

I just point to the phone that lay beside me. Phil picked it up and reads the one my dad put. "I am so sorry Danny", Phil said to me. he pulled me onto his lap and just let me cry while he rubbed  cercles into my back and told me I will get through this.

After a while I calm down and I look up at Phil and kiss him sweetly. "Thank you", I say when we part, " for being there for me".

" I always will be"

I smile at him and we lay there under the stars pointing out constellations and talking about pointless things adding in banter every once in a while. I was happy and I was with the person I love most. This may not of been the perfect night ever, but I have Phil, and phil is all I need.

This day was full of the good and the bad, but I wouldn't have it any other way beacause it all ended with me and Phil smiling andf laughing together, and I got to be happy.