It was a horrible situation for me to be in but I had no other choice. He begged me again and again to give him one last chance but how could I do that. I still love him with all of my heart but he destroyed me, it was like he grabbed my heart and ripped it out of my body. It all happened so quickly. I know that he kissed another girl whilst he was away in America on a 'work experience' but now I'm starting to question myself, did he only kiss her? Was it more than one girl? We had a huge argument after he told me about Marie (the girl from America)... He slapped me, powerfully across that face, the scar is still there, bright red and that happened over two years ago. He treated me like shit and I don't know how I even managed to stay with him for as long as I did, he could have easily broke my nose in the argument when he slapped me, I'm glad I ran out of the house after he made his first hit... If I didn't escape, God only knows what he would have done to me. I slept on the streets for the night and when I went back in the morning, the first thing he said to me was "I'm sorry"... The first ever apology I had got from him... Stupidly I forgave him and we were back to the way Danny and I was before the trip. Darcy wasn't even born and I was left alone waiting for Danny to return home but all he cared about was running off with someone else. I still can't believe that I haven't told anyone this... I know I'm writing this in a diary but it really helps for me to write everything down. The only thing he asked me was for me not to tell anyone about what he did because he knew that he was in the wrong and he 'regretted' everything that he did... I later came to realise how little he actually regretted kissing another woman. After about another year, he was more secretive about what he was doing, he would never tell me where he was going or what he was planning to do in his day. I trusted him but I always had a small gut feeling that he wasn't away working. He then decided that he wanted to have a child with me... I still had doubts about him and I didn't fully trust him but if I refused him, he would have ran off to another woman. I never ever regretted having Darcy because she's the best thing that ever happened to me however I wish I had her with another man... Danny started to stay away from home more frequently. He would leave the house on most evenings and not come back until the early hours of the next day. He would then leave at midday and not come back until about 3 o'clock. Sometimes I did doubt him... But I didn't feel as though I could face him again, not after the last time. I cried and cried and cried... Mascara streamed down my face, big black circles of tears were left underneath my eyes each day and my pillow was left stained with makeup. Danny used to ask me why I always got so worked up about 'silly little things' that he did but how could I not get worked up when I knew that he had kissed another girl? He's messed up my emotions, my brain and especially my heart. Ever since the day Danny told me everything, I have been left heartbroken. I have never ever done anything bad to him, I have never mislead him or mistreated him, I was always the decent one out of us both. Obviously I was never perfect, I am very far from perfect but I never made any really bad mistakes which would/could have effected the family. I'm just going to start getting on with my life from now on and hopefully me and Danny will be ok...
