Once again, I started getting worked up about Danny and the past 'incidents' with other women. I couldn't trust him anymore. I began to have panic attacks... I would slowly begin to loose my breath until it got to the point where I was struggling to breathe. I began to slice across my wrists with the sharpest knife that is in the kitchen drawer. I couldn't control myself. I had to go to more specialists to find out what was wrong with me. It turns out that I suffer from a really bad case of anxiety and depression. I couldn't tell Danny, one because he was away working and two, because he would go ballistic! I carried on self harming and having my regular breakdowns. I couldn't do anything to stop it, it's all in my head... I can't stop myself. One night, I was really pissed off, everything was going wrong... Darcy wouldn't go to sleep until gone 10 o'clock, my manager at work had set me loads of work which was nearly due (and I hadn't started it), Danny was away working (again) and I couldn't help but think about him with ANOTHER woman... So I sat in the dark corner of my living room and began to cut... Tears began to stream down either side of my face and I started to loose my breathe... That's when Danny walked into the room. I froze. Dropped the knife. And tried to hide away in the corner, even though I had already been caught.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Yelled Danny.
I tried wiping away my tears and said "um...nothing it's fine. I'm fine".
He walked towards me, I shuffled, trying to hide the knife in the process. It was too late. He'd seen the knife.
"What the fuck have you been doing to yourself?! Why are your wrists all slit?! Why would you do this?!"
I said nothing. He would never understand, all he cares about is himself. Due to not replying to him, Danny grabbed my wrists and slammed me down onto the sofa, I could barely breathe. He punched me, straight on my nose. Blood poured out of my nose like running water coming from a tap. Everything just blacked out and I didn't know what was happening. Seconds later, I passed out. When I woke up, I was led in bed and most of the blood had been cleared up. Danny entered the bedroom balling his eyes out, he was so upset with himself. He didn't even call an ambulance, what if I didn't just pass out, what if I died. I sat up and looked at the mirror in front of me... I thought to myself 'Oh. My. God.'
"Danny, why aren't I in hospital? My whole face is swollen and blood is still trickling down my face?" I said shaking because I didn't want him to come near me.
"I did this to you, what would they have said?" Replied Danny.
"I don't care about what they would have said, I'm seriously hurt. My face is pounding and it kills Danny."
Danny just sat there, he had nothing to say. Why do I let him treat me like this?! I need to get away from him but I can barely move. My head is thumping and I can't think straight. I can't leave Darcy with this monster, she needs to come with me if I do go anywhere.
