How to Know

Preview

A passage from one of the up coming chapters:

I looked up into his symathetic blue eyes, as they stared into my teary brown ones. I knew he wanted to help, but I could't take this. Not from him, not from Jared.

"I know you're just trying to help, but I don't need it. It was nothing. It's a lot easier to get over Eric knowing he didn't give a second thought about me. And even though I tried so hard to be good enough, He'll never get it."

I quietly said. I looked down at the gap in the door way, between us; I couldn't bare to look at him.

"Please Maeve, Mae, Maevey Wavy, just let me help, I understand what you're going through." He grabbed my waist , pulled me in, and gave me a weak smirk.

I smiled at the way he said my nicknames, but the pain rushed through me after that. I shot my head up, and glared at him.

"I'm sorry Jared, but you most certainly do NOT understand what i'm going through. You don't understand how much I wish i didn't love him, how much I wish he would care. You don't know how bad it hurts, drowning in a fucking sea of people, while I watch him smile at her.  You wouldn't understand the feeling of waiting all night for a text, or a call, that you damn well know isn't gonna come; but you wait anyway."

He dropped his hands as I tried to choke back my tears.

"But the worst part is, is when you finally realize, they don't love you. Then going home, finding a pair of scissors, or a knief, and slicing it across your skin. But you know, that can't take all the pain out of your heart. And when it doesn't, you think about how much people would like it if you were dead. So you find any bottle of pills and think of tripling the maximum dosage."

He's eyes widened with fear. He never knew this about me. Nobody did. And he's eyes were watering as he began to speak

"Mae just sto-"

"No." The tears started coming. "I have to finish this."

I let out a sob in between each sentance.

" I couldn't get the cap off you see. But  honeslty Jared, you really think I was put in that hospital because of dehydration?"

He was still silent. I countinued

"So instead of the pills,I ran downstairs to the laundry room. I took bleach, my laundry detergent, peroxide, and poured it into an empty milk jug."

I was staring at Jared now, watching the tears fall from his face. But after seeing enough of his pain, I dropped my head back down, and closed my eyes tighty. 

"I drank half the gallon before my brother came home. He said he saw me lying on the ground motionless. He though I was dead when he saw the jug."

Then, for some odd reason, through all my tears, and heavy breathing, I smiled a bit.

"When the ambulence came for me, Carson didn't tell anyone about what I did." 

My smile went away when Jared dropped his glance.

"What is it Jared?" I wasn't asking him to feel sorry for me.

"You really think I haven't been through that?" He said quietly, avoiding my stare

Is he fucking serious right now?

"How could you of possibly gone through that!? You're a god damn player Jared! HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!? You've never loved anyone!"

I had never, and I mean never, been that mad at someone. And as if he didn't know I was mad, he glared at me.

"That's a fucking lie!" He screamed, as the tears trickled down his face.

He stared down at me intensely, as if I just cut open his heart.

"Then who!? Who have you love!? because it sure as hell isn't anyone I know!" I shouted back. We were close enough to each other, to where we were blowing each others ears out.

"You." He stepped closer, as if that was possible.

I froze.

"What?" I was in utter shock.

"You heard me. I said, I love you Maeve Davis."