The Darkest Question

Chapter 6

It must have been an hour before I fully realized that my knees had been stabbed through, by those sharp and hostile rocks, and I finally had enough strength to pick myself up and carry on. I still saw nothing ahed of me; I only was able to feel the nearby rocky wall and ground beneath me, as I traversed the path ahead. The tears were still fresh on my face, the icy wind had stained them to the my cheeks, as I began to think of Astrea again. I began to think of how I would tell her that I am sorry; of how I would tell her I am utterly disgusted with myself; of my awareness that there is nothing I can do to make it right, but that I can only kneel at her feet and beg foreignness. Forgiveness; that's all I longed for now, in this great abyss. As I began to imagine what foreignness would feel like, look like, of what I would do when I saw her. As I began to think more deeply, with more vivid imagination about this, I was blinded by light, light that completely surrounded me, the great meander, and the path ahed of me. I tried to look ahead of me, toward the path, but the light seemed to move forward at me, until I couldn't see anything but white light. In this light, I felt nothing but the most powerful emotion of love. This feeling of love, of contentment, filled my body up, boiling in me, like a wholesome soup, and completely saturated my being. I began to tear, filled with this relief; consequently, I dropped to my knees in surrender. In this great light, and feeling, images from my life with Astrea were ordered on my sight, again. I saw her, so clearly now. I just wished this would be real.

One Year and 5 Days Ago

The forest was beautiful this time of year. The crisp aroma that filled the autumn air blew, lightly across my nostrils. The leaves and branches broke harmoniously beneath my feet, as I looked forward, taking my eyes off Astrea for a moment, to take in the beauty. The sun was setting. The rays of the golden sun, snuck, as if they were playing some fanatic childlike game, through the leaves and trees, hitting the ground and spreading across it like honey on toast. The contrast of the golden hue with the reddish brown ground pleased my eyes so much so that I could only stop and stand in silence, holding her hand. Her head leaned on my shoulder, as I stood with contentment, and she held my arm. I looked back at her; Her blue eyes lifted, as the sun lifts every morning giving life to the earth, and met mine, in a silence that we often shared. I looked at her whole beauteous complexion: her golden hair, that dropped down her back, and some in front over her shoulder, dared me to play with it, eternally; her lips, so perfectly spread across her pinkish skin, lush with the red of lipstick enticed me, eternally, to kiss them; her smile, that shone like heavens light in a dungeon of humanity, eternally urged me to stand there in awe of her. We walked further, our hands clinging to each other as if we wanted to hold on for ever. We finally reached a spot, where there was an uncountable amount of red leaves, an ocean of them, on the ground before a tree that ushered the golden sun in a particular area near the stump. We decided to sit there and relax, taking in the scene, taking in each other. We talked about anything and everything, about life, about little things and big things. I've never felt so connected with someone in my entire life. Finally, as we sat in that heavenly scene, I gathered up the courage to look at her, in that strange passionate silence. The wind blew, easily, on us, scooping up some of her hair and playfully moving it toward her face. Her blue eyes glistened, and her smile began to curl up into that pose which would mimic my own lips. I brushed my fingers over her cheek, looking at her. I kissed her, lightly, at first, our lips dancing a blissful duet. As our lips danced together, I couldn't help the roaring lion inside me: My desire for her body began to augment to such a point that I began to move forward, positioning her underneath me on the leaves as I kissed harder: I wanted to show her how much I loved her. After a while of kissing, my hand descended. She closed herself from me, and smiled, shyly. Looking down at her, her golden hair spread out in the red leaves, I said "What's the matter, babe?". She smiled, widely, as she looked at the leaves beside her. And then, as I looked her her blue ocean eyes, her smile began to close, and she moved her body sideways, facing away form me. It was like galloping on horseback, feeling free and alive, and then the horse suddenly stopping, throwing you off in confusion and anger. I moved over to the side she was facing. Her yes were dimly lit blue now. "Astrea, what's the matter", I said a bit forcefully. As she looked at the leaves, and not me, I realized what she was thinking about, Holden.

Holden was her last match. Holden was a Duke from a neighboring country, who had taken a liking to her just before his army was brutally massacred and throw out of the region she was from. He had snuck in to the region, through bribes and riches, to her house and started a romance with her. He was her first love. She felt, as she told me earlier, as if all was good in life, that she would marry him, spending the rest of her life with him. Eventually, as time went on, Holden was called by the King of his country to a different city, to serve as governor there. The city was, quite literally, too far to even have any remote sense of communication. Astrea had moved on from Holden, she would constantly tell me; however, I always knew that she often thought about him, even when in my presence, and this was the same situation. I couldn't stand it. I couldn't take knowing that Astrea was thinking of another man, while with me. It was a betrayal, a disgrace to me, that she would stop what she was doing, loving me, to think of him. The lion that was in my stomach only roared with more fever, with greater ferocity. The only way to make her mine is to consummate our love. I looked at her breast line, when she looked back up at me and brushed her hand on my cheek. I continued to look down there, salivating with desire, I looked back at her and kissed her. She kissed back, only slightly. My hands grabbed her breasts, as I rolled her on her back and positioned myself in between her. She stopped kissing me and got up. I was left there, looking at the red leaves, feeling an icy fall chill. "Damien, please, I'm not ready for that yet. Not yet.", she said, as she looked down at me and offered her hand out. Her blue eyes glowed, in compassion, as I took her hand to help me up. I looked at her, and my anger had began to simmer again. I looked away from her. She kissed my lips, took my hand, and started to walk back. "C'mom Danny," she said. "I'm starving". As I reluctantly followed behind her, I looked at her body: She was perfect in every way, and for all I do for her, for this country, I deserve it. As she ran up ahead of me, to where my horse stood, I saw something black in my periphery. I looked left and in the dense forrest, through the red leaves and Autumn coated branches, I saw a menacing black wolf, with bright blue eyes. My stomach dropped in a burst of fear for my life: The wolf's eyes were not only unreadable, but they looked like the eyes of an animal gone insane. I immediately swung my head around to find Astrea. She was petting my horse. "Astrea!", I called out. She looked at me. When I commanded her attention, I hurriedly looked back to make sure the wolf didn't move forward. But when I looked back, I saw nothing but forest. The the spot the wolf had been was only forest. I felt a chill in my bones, as I looked up. The purple hue, that comes with the dews of evening, began to overshadow the atmosphere. "C'mon, Danny!", Astrea said with a playful moan. I turned back around, looking at her figure against the now purplish forest. She leaned back against my horse, and I took in her petite frame; Looking at her like this only made it worse. I started to move forward toward her, the branches crunching beneath me in the cold. "I'm coming".