My Everyday Stupidity

Sorry

I don't want to trigger anything so please if you are sensitive to the topic of depression and suicidal actions and thoughts please don't read this.
Hey guys i know i havent written for a really long time and i feel bad about that, but i want you guys to know why. This doesn't count towards stories like the Mika x Krul book which was actually the first book i did when i started wattpad. Im going through a lot right now its really overwhelming and i just want to get it off my chest. I know most of you are also probably going through some stuff yourself, so if you want to talk about it. My kik is insanebutloveable, or just private message me on Wattpad, whichever is fine with me. If you're going for kik though just tell me that you're from wattpad. My family has been getting into lots of arguements lately and sometimes they insult me and my sisters, my mom and my grandma dont do it as much as my grandpa does and we know that he's been on drugs like cocaine. My grandma also thinks my grandpa is cheating on her, which actually makes sense. I recently discovered that i have an irregular heartbeat due to me having a small hole in my heart when i was born and being a stress baby. The doctors had me wear a portable EKG scanner which pretty much records my heartbeat and it was only for a day, but they said my heart rate increased in only 2 hours which worried them. I tend to hallucinate, but my grandma and mom only think it's because I read a lot which I know is a load of bull. They took me to a doctors for scans for mental illnesses and said I have severe depression and might have more than one disorder due to my violent outbursts towards my sisters and so they are sending me to a neurologist and psychologist along with a psychiatric. My mom and I got into an argument because she said she gave me her phone and I said that she didn't and so she said "we really need to get you tested because you are loosing your mind" and that really hurt me due to the fact that it was my mother telling me this, earlier before that, she had told me to babysit for a couple hours and so I got overwhelmed and frustrated with my sisters who are younger than me, always teasing me and calling me crazy and shit and so I pulled out a knife and hammer and just at the wrong time...my mom and grandma walked in on it and they told me that if I told the doctors about this that they would send me to a mental hospital, I attempted suicide in my room by trying to slit my throat with a nail and also tried strangling myself but for some reason I couldn't do it and ended up cutting. Cutting was not that new to me because I had started right after school ended...so this is what I'm going through...it's actually lead me to have severe insomnia as well and to the point where I fall asleep at around 10 in the morning and stay asleep for only about 3 to 4 hours...if you have problems that you want to talk about as well, don't hesitate to message me on either kik nor wattpad, I'm never really busy, I don't leave my house and since I don't sleep often then it doesn't matter what time it's at.