5:11 AM // Vikklan [Wattys2016]

Chapter 26

Big thanks for my boyfriend being so damn caring and giving me Benadryl when my hand started itching and swelled up for no reason. In result of taking it, I became a delusional mess of sleepiness and passed out, so I couldn't update last night. I'm sorry.

.-.

I've written ahead, and I've also finished the story.

QUESTION: Should I post the rest now or wait?

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"I don't want anyone else," I whispered to myself as I drove slowly down the road of the highway that Vikk and I had drove on before. It brought back so many happy memories, and I wasn't sure whether they were hurting me or just crumbling me up more.

"Why didn't you just stop talking to him?" I gritted my teeth together and clenched the steering wheel, my eyes a mess of anger and sadness. Normally I would have bright, sky blue eyes, but now they had faded to a very dull elephant grey.

I was hopeless, driving down the roads with the people around me gawking at the car I drove, but it just didn't feel the same as it did when Vikk and I raced one another.

I felt like I had my heart snatched from the barrier of my ribs and thrown to the ground to be stomped on by heartbreaks' boots. I felt crushed into the earth and left to suffocate on nothing but my own twisted thoughts.

I felt like I was slowly and surely dying.

The snow falling from the air fell thick and in large clouds, and it just seemed to add to the cold emptiness eating at my core. I stared at the road, windshield wipers pushing back the droplets that stuck to the glass.

It was becoming nearly too hard to visibly see two feet in front of me, but I continued to drove with the headlights of my car shining on falling white flakes.

My mind began to wander, and soon only the hum of the song that played through the stereo seemed to be sane and still stuck to the real world.

"Lachlan," he took a breath, urging us to look at one another, "this is Vikk. The young man you were ricocheted into."

I took a ramp off of the highway, driving into the small town that held the McDonalds that Vikk and I had came to the same night we drove on Boulevard Highway.

"Lachlan Power, twenty year-old Aussie" I said, holding my hand out for him to take. His smile widened, "Vikkram Barn, a twenty-two year old Brit."

I felt the stiffness of my cheeks as I willed myself not to cry anymore. I had shed enough pain and had made myself look already pathetic enough. I was weak, and I knew it. A normal man would have been angry, but I was sad and broken instead. Who was I anymore?

I pulled up to a small paved road and allowed my car to shoot down it, the snow starting to sheet not only the ground but large pine trees that began to appear.

"Thank you for the coffee and the ride home. Means a lot. I'm still terribly sorry about wrecking into you."
"Hey, don't worry about it. All I will say is here." Vikk grabbed my arm and pulled a pen out of his pocket, scribbling a number down in black ink. "Call if you need anything." He smiled.

I gripped the wheel tighter, my knuckles turning white from the pressure. I could feel the burn of my eyes and the flood of tears in the corner of them as I tried to stay in control. I wouldn't be weak. I didn't need Vikk anyway.

"Yeah, hey, it's Lachlan." I wheezed, shaking as I answered him. "You okay?" I let another shaking breath leave my mouth. I stood up and began pacing, shaking on unsteady legs and unconsciously fiddling with my hair. "No. No, I'm not. Can we hang out? Maybe today? Tomorrow? I really need support"
"Yeah. I'll be right over."

I grew bored quickly, finding the wilderness to only make matters worse, so I turned the car around with much effort and took off back towards the town and highway.

I looked to Vikk, his face flashing with every emotion under the sun. He reached for me, his hand clasping down on my shoulder. Like magic, it all disappeared. Why and how it did, I was just as confused about it.  "What's wrong?" He whispered. His voice was calm, but I knew he was scared. I could see it in his eyes and the way he was trying not to shake. "I got really nauseous." I said after a heavy gulp. I saw his face pale for a few moments, but he clenched his teeth and nodded like it was no big deal.

I've lost someone I just can't replace, and all my love feels like it's been put to waste. I just feel like I'm stuck spinning, stuck winding backwards in reverse, and it's like I'm trying so hard to be happy.

But I just can't.

"How can I trust you?"
"It's my purpose to make those sad better. I hate seeing others pained, and I don't like violence. I would rather hide. I want you safe, not in harm. Please, believe me."

And as reluctantly as ever, I sighed, looked up to Vikk with a sad face, and nodded my trust away- To him.

My tears fell fast, making my face an ocean of salty pain. I just wanted everything back to normal, whether it went far back to the point of Lilith using me all over again. Her painful ways were more tolerable, but Vikk's just kill me with a simple, small thing.

I feel like we were bonded, like we were meant to work out and be together, but with every painful touch and word, we're dying; we're drifting.

"Mark my word, Lachlan, I will make up for her selfish acts, whether it goes until my death or not."

I turned my car to head towards the house Vikk and I used to share, remembering all the memories as I took in the house in front of my eyes. His car was there, the garage wide open, and the door was too.

It looked a mess with the lights out, and I knew either Vikk was asleep or was just casting himself away. I wanted to park my car and go in there, comfort him and show him he was mine and not Mark's anymore, but I just couldn't.

I wasn't strong enough.

I never was, and now I never would be.

Without Vikk, I was nothing.

I would always be nothing.