Philosophy for the Inclined

The Impracticality of Regret

Regret.

We all have been through it, and if you haven't yet; you soon will. It affects the weak willed and resilient alike, and torments their soul endlessly; as it offers the illusion of a better life, that could be made reality, if only. 

We, are not able to control it instinctively but, we can avoid it. We simply need to first realize and understand the problem, and from there, theorise how to combat it. But you would be surprised to find out how many people would rather bow down to the enemy and later regret their decisions.

How ironic.

The structure and components of regret all boils down to one single fact.

Regret, is the effect that is left when one has either done something in the past without thinking, or without enough thought.

Saying 'Yes' to a drunk friend who wants to give you a drive home, or even taking a decision that sort of looks good but you haven't put enough thought in yet; are ladened with possible repurcussions and as such, chances to regret.

This may lead you to think, that I am suggesting a 'limiting life-style that is neglect of fun', and rightly so, you are entitled to your opinions, fellow philosophers (although getting in a car with a drunk driver is universally a bad idea) The point I am trying to make is to know the general direction that your future will be taking, if you decide to take a certain decision. Not take blind present decisions and see what comes next. We are not blind rats that stumble upon our predator by chance, we are able to think and thus rationalise. 

Despite this, some people still decide to disregard their own future for the thrill of the unknown, irrelevant of its good or bad. These people focus only on the present and the decisions they make in the moment of the 'now' (i.e. YOLO lifestyle) Alongside them, are those who only focus on the future, and future events (i.e Planners who live the present passively) and finally those who focus and obsess over the past (i.e Nostalgics and regretters)

We can all agree that too much in excess is bad in any situation. In fact, Aristotle believed that a virtuous life is not found in the extremes but in the gap between them. There exists a harmony between past, present and future that is relative to you, and only you. Finding the balance between the realization of the past, enjoyment of the present, and preparation for the future; is one of the key elements to avoiding regret, yet still enjoying life and beyond, to the maximum.

Now that we understand regret, I shall attempt to make you realize its illogicality by means of the example I used before. 

Let us say that you decide to go through with letting your drunk friend drive you home and en route, your friend crashes, putting you in a wheelchair for the rest of your life. Everyday from then, you live your life plagued by the thought that things could have been different if only you didn't say 'yes'.

It may have dawned upon you now, how terribly pointless this all is. How the act of regret serves only to make you focus more on your past, and less on your present. It gives you the comforting illusion that the past changes, and it can become something nice than it actually was. Which in reality is not true, because the past is unchanging, and set in stone. The victim in the example, would worry more about the decisions he could have made, instead of the decisions he has to make. (In this case he has not yet found the harmony between past, present and future)

A common phrase that we tend to use when we do regret is:

'What if I could have done...'

'What if I did...' 

Anyone who has seen 'The Butterfly Effect'  would know what one small change in the past can do to your future. And it makes sense. Your present moment now, is a culmination of decisions good or bad that have been carried out by you, in the past. Billions of decisions are carried out everyday, from the most important, to the inconcievable; from dawn, till dusk. Changing even one of those decisions would change the entire equation. And as such, choosing one decision over another, would leave a life of possibilites untouched.

There is absolutely no guarantee that your life would be better if you did do something different back then. Everything relies on chance, and it would almost be better to go on what is real and what you can change (the present) than something which, cannot.

So, what now? 

Well, we have already seen that the past cannot be changed and the future is beyond us, but what we can control is how we live our lives today. So making the best out of what you have, and taking the decisions that seems like the best possible one to take, should be your agenda. What comes after, good or bad, should in turn not be regrettable in the slightest, as there could have been no other 'better' way to go about the situation. 

Finally, as much as I try to describe how impractical regret is, the real truth of the matter is that we can't get rid of it. In fact, we very much need it. Regret, like any emotion is what makes us human. That illogicality in our way of life and thus rationality very much characterises us like any other physical feature. It serves as a source of remorse and being penitent.

A person with no regret, is as bad as a person who is always in regret. Our job in life, is to find the harmony in all things within ourselves. This text, by no means is serving as a step-by-step rule book, but only serves the purpose to open and enlighten to what is actually there.

The rest is in your hands, fellow philosophers.