...Him

Dawn

   A/N: Hey guys! I'm sooooooooo sorry I haven't posted. I've been having writers block and I'm quite frustrated. But I still really want to get this stuff out. Er... I have a feeling I messed up somewhere so please be patient. Also the chapters are super long so they take a while to write. I'm barely on Chapter 2 but I'm almost done. Chapter 1 is about 40 something pages so that why I'm only on Chapter 2. Erm... So I hope you enjoy the crap I post. I know it's not perfect so any tips/recommendations would be appreciated. Okay so I will shut up and let you read. Bye! -Coffee •~•

   So erm... hi. My names Dawn and I swear I am a guy even though my name sounds like a girl. My parents say they named me Dawn because I had been born at dawn and the doctor said "Dawn is the time when nothing breathes, the hour of silence. Everything is transfixed, only the light moves." So apparently my doctor was also a part time poet, haha. Huh... It's actually quite funny that my name makes me sound as if I'm sunny and cheerful. I'm the complete opposite. Looks wise I am not very... Erm "bright". I have blue-grayish hazel eyes that change color, long jet black hair (which I never bother to comb so it's messy all the time), and quite pale skin. My mother says she loves my eyes, she says she can always tell how i feel that moment.
   So erm... Well what else. Oh um... I'm a nerd. But not your typical Einstein. I'm what you guys would call a nerd, but to my parents a disappointment. Or at least that's what I think I am. I had A's and B's but never straight A's. My parents always ask disappointedly why I could never be like my brother, Brandon. He was valedictorian and made the varsity swim team all 4 years. Whenever they asked that I would run to my room, crying in frustration. And those nights I would just fall asleep with tears in my eyes.
   Growing up I kept promising my self I would surpass my brother, make my parents proud, and be better. So I always slept till 3 am working on schoolwork, trying to learn everything in a night, and staying ahead of all my classmates. I also wanted to kick my brothers butt in swimming. So I would train endless hours to improve. Not gonna lie it was tough on me... I was quite the scrawny kid and its been hard to compete against tall, muscular guys (like Brandon) and beat them. But I managed. And I didn't feel like a disappointment... Well not that much. But... It didn't last.
   On the night of my 13th birthday, my dad came up to me and said "Dawn... Your almost like Brandon, he is our pride and joy. He was a fine student. So son... Please try not to disappoint us when you enter High School. We had high expectations for Brandon and he accomplished that and more. Try to follow in his footsteps... If you can." It made me realize that I wasn't part of this family... My own father didn't love me like my brother Brandon. I couldn't just be like my brother anymore... I had to do more than he did. I had to surpass him. The only way I could ever make my parents proud.
After that life was hell. I started getting bullied and would get my ass kicked everyday. They hated me. They said awful things. Then it happened... The fist time in my life I wanted to kill myself. Kevin, my bully, had taken things to far. On the last day of school it happened. I was about to go home when Kevin came up to me and pinned me down. He had been on top of me, and was sitting around my private area.
   "Hey shithead... Oh how I'm gonna miss messing with you. Now I won't have a punching bag anymore." And that's when. I started to struggle. But it turned out to be a bad idea. His legs were rubbing on me and I couldn't control what happened next.
   Crap... No please don't. What's wrong with me? Why am I getting a boner at THIS TIME. I hope he can't tell or else I'm dead. I tried to keep calm and not struggle anymore.
   "W-hat?! What the hell is this?" He was mad. "Holy shit... What the fuck? Are you actually turned on right now? You fucking faggot!!!" For a slight moment he said nothing. And that scared me. But then he got an evil look in his eye. And that's when he knocked me out. Shit... What's gonna happen to me.
   I woke up to laughter... humiliating laughter. What is everyone laughing at? Oh... Oh no. I could feel the cold breeze on my skin. I was only in my underwear though. Oh... No.
   It had been Kevin. After he knocked me out, he texted everyone who he knew and told them to all there friends to the school gym. And that's when he tied me to a basketball pole, leaving me only with my underwear on. I was humiliated... No it was worse than that.
   I never forgot about that incident. More kids started bullying me. They called me a bitch, pervert, and a faggot. I couldn't handle it after a while. And that was the the trigger. I had picked it up... A razor. Just one cut can't hurt... Right? No... Just a few more. Nobody cares so nobody will notice. Just a few more. I fell into a depression. And hard.
   Because of this my life revolved around school, swim, being club president, on student council, being the teachers pet, and anything that would keep me busy. I was a a happy child, who was the top student in everything. I was the perfect student. Or so I pretended to be. But during the nights, that when I would cry. I would let everything out, preparing myself for the next day. And then I'd wake up to put the mask on of a perfect student on again. It was a cycle. Then it changed on day.
   He showed up. He made me wonder... Why... Why are you doing this to yourself? He made me feel... He made me feel like someone cared. He made me forget all the bad... He made me feel loved... No, he gave me love.
   Mikah.