My Misophonia Story

Misophonia

Misophonia - 'Hatred of sound' (Definition)

I am 16 years old, and have been living with misophonia for a few years now. The definition of the word misophonia does not show or explain what it is like to live with it.

Common misophonia triggers:

Chewing, yawning, whispering, biting nails, clicking, repetitive sounds and a lot more.

Misophonia is NOT disliking a sound. Misophonia is shaking, muscle tensing, headaches, hurting yourself, crying, screaming, lashing out and a lot more. Misophonia IS a brain disorder.

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Misophonia is driving a wedge between many of my relationships, such as family and friends. It seems that the closer the person is to me mentally, the more it makes an impact on me. It is not something that I am proud of to have, it makes me sound pathetic and weak. I don't want to have to explain and ask someone to not eat around me because the sound of them chewing is driving me insane and making me dizzy with anger and stress.

It causes me to push people away, I am at the point where I don't want to go out to events in case there's a noise that triggers me and I lash out without meaning to. I don't want to have to break down in tears in front of someone about something they would not understand unless they had the brain disorder.

The first thing I want to do when I am sensitive to a certain sound around me is to run, run far away and cover my ears and cry like a child because I feel stuck and confused. I run my nails across my skin, hit my head against the wall and want to scream because it's the only way that my anger leaves me alone (not fully). I feel suffocated, like I am drowning in noises that drive me insane, even though to other people they are just everyday noises, such as pen clicking, doors, and crunching.

Honestly, I am scared. I am scared that I will get a job and won't be able to deal with it because 'background noises' stick out so much for me. I am scared that I won't be able to keep my friends or family because to them it must seem crazy.

When it is happening I really wish I could turn my brain off, or shut down completely. It worries me that one day it will make me so frustrated that I will end up doing something awful without meaning to. Luckily, I do not get violent but it can happen to many people that suffer with it, and they will have thoughts such as wanting the hurt the person to make them stop the sound or even wanting to kill them because they never want to hear that sound again.

It may sound over the top if you are reading this and do not suffer with it. Please understand that we are NOT acting, it is not for attention, we can't help it, we aren't trying to be rude if we ask you to be more quiet or if we ask you to give us some space. If you know someone with misophonia, ask them about their triggers, don't act like they are crazy. Give them space when needed because sometimes the anger can take over in waves of heat and can make the situation a lot worse. We don't expect you to apologize to us for breathing 'too loud' or eating. It isn't your fault that we feel angry because of some noises. You personally do not anger us, you are a person we enjoy being around, but just so happens to do something that may anger the person who suffers with misophonia.

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Something to remember.

Misophonia isn't just sound, it can also be visual. Repetitive movements can cause the same reaction as sounds. This can be such as somebody throwing something in the air again and again, constant movement of legs when sat down and more.

It is actually IMPOSSIBLE for us to stay calm. The anger jerks out of us suddenly, much like when you flinch if something is coming towards you. It is an automatic response.

Ways to "Cope":

Keep your earphones with you at ALL TIMES to drown out triggering sounds with music

Walk away

Cry (sounds silly but it can really help!)

Close your eyes if you are triggered visually

Distract yourself with a game

Copy the sound that is triggering you if you can (Again, sounds silly but can also really help)

Please remember, you are not the only one.