“Tomorrow is the day of my life”
I supposed it, on every 30th of December for the last three decades. But I pray the god,
“Don’t be a tomorrow just another day of 31st of December, like last years".
I spent almost last 30 years with this pain but with an illusory hope.
So… today is the night of 30th of December, I know that, this gonna be a long night for me. But it’s all right, coz always I like to memorize each and every moment of my love story.
I remember everything clearly. It was 9th of December 1981. In the evening of that day, Carlos and I met at the village Church of El Mozote (El Salvador) as usual. We did pray the lord and came out. Then Carlos took my hand and put on his head and mumbled, as always he used to be,
“Promise me Nubia, you never leave me”
“I promise you Carlos, never”.
Always I told with full of love.
Since I met the carols most of the days, when we met in the church and, promised for each other, that we never leave us. Carlos were in his early twenties, he did carpeting works for live. I was an eighteen years girl. I had only one sister and I lived with my parents. Carlos was working hard for earn some money to marry me and live happily. But I couldn’t help him to earn a Colon. Though I wanted to do a job and earn some money for our future, Carlos did never let me to do so. He was always telling me,
“Let me take care of you. I don’t want to see your pretty face and hands to get pale and grey, but I need only your sweet love, mi amor”. and smiled innocently.
So I did nothing, but love him from my deep Soul.
“Carlos, coming days are not much good, I got some bad rumors about the anti-guerrilla campaign. I was heard that army would penetrate at any moment to village”
“Don’t worry Mi amor, they will not harm for any of us, since we are innocent villagers, they are after only for guerrillas”
“I don’t know Carlos…I really feel so bad about this.”
“So…then I tell you what?........ Still you never kiss me…. right?”
“So….?”
“Give me a kiss before anything happen to us? Is it fare enough….?”
“What are you talking Carlos...This is not funny. I’m serious”
“So… I’m serious too…give me a kiss Mi Amor”.
I didn’t give him a kiss on that day. It’s because I scared so much. I sniffed something in the air, a bad feeling.
But I couldn’t explain it to Carlos. Then I came for home, after leaving from Carlos. It was almost 6’O clock. My father was near by the door and he told me,
“Nubia, help mother to pack what she needs”
“Why…. what for…?
I ran to my sister. She was crying in our little room.
“Why… Delmy…what happened?”
Then she fallen upon me and cried hard. I got no sense at all about what was going on. My mother came to me and told,
“It’s too late for anything, get ready to leave the village quickly”
“Why...Why…what’s happening, tell me Madre”
“Army would come in here soon, may be tonight. it’s not safe here anymore, and we must leave as soon as possible. Padre got a bad news from a friend of San Salvador”
“Madre…I must let this know to Carlos…I must…”
Padre came to me and shut my mouth with his hand. Then my mother closed the door. I cried a lot. But noise didn’t come out since my father shut my mouth. I didn’t remember anything beyond that. I did faint. I woke up in the dawn of next day. We were 70 kilometers off from the village. 14th of December my Father managed to take us to Honduras as refugees. Then, after 3 weeks of time we came to Lisbon, Portugal on 28th December of 1981.
While we were coming, Delmy, was always nearby me and try to quite me, coz I was crying all the way without eat anything or drinking only water. I got faint three times. I was weak so badly. Finally my sister realized something and told me,
“Nubia…I wrote a note on our back window that, “Meet my sister at Lisbon city Park on 31st of December”. I really don’t know whether there is any City Park around Lisbon. But that’s the only thing I could do for you and Carlos. Padre told me, the other day evening, about Lisbon in Portugal”
Since that 31st of December 1981, I go every 31st of December to Eduardo VII Park at central in Lisbon and, still hopping his coming. Still I wish he will come one of 31st of December and forgive me for what I did to him. That’s how I’m trying to give a relief to my aching lonely heart. And that’s how I try to justify what I did to him. I always loved him and I will do.
Inspired by El Mozote Massacre.
By Manu Fernando
