RISK

9

Xander sits down on the full sized bed in the unfamiliar room. The only thing familiar is the wonderful scent that surrounds him. He takes a deep breath in through his nose, allowing the scent to calm him down a little. Turning his head, he looks down at the precious girl in deep slumber. He had just gotten off the phone with her an hour ago, he wasn't expecting her to be sleeping already. Her voice through the phone helped calm him down, but he needed more. He needed more than a sound. He needed her. Next thing he knows, he finds himself in her bedroom.

Xander scoots closer to the girl, wanting to touch her dark skin. He strokes her cheek, then her tank top allows him to trails his finger along her bare shoulder, and down her arm. Isabella stirs in her sleep and eventually she flutters her eyes open. Once her eyes adjust to the lack of light, she jumps slightly but then calms down.

"Alexander?" She questions.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

His voice catches Isabella off guard all over again. On the phone she heard how different, dark, he sounded. But now she can see him and she's never seen him this way. She's seen him look happy. She's seen him look sad when he tried apologizing in the library. But Isabella has never seen him look like this; like he's lost. She doesn't like seeing, or hearing him, like this. In fact, his demeanor is actually scaring her. He doesn't look stable.

The tired girl sits up in her bed, and holds her legs to her chest. Xander realized this act distanced her from him, as she moved herself closer to her headboard. He looks up from his lap and into her eyes. The moonlight lights up half her face, her features still as beautiful as always.

"Are you scared of me?" He ask the question, yet he fears the answer.

Isabella doesn't know what to say. She didn't mean to give herself away. Maybe she should work on her poker face. Her lips part but no answer comes out, only a question. "Scared of you?"

Xander knows when a person repeats the question someone just asked him or her, it's often an effort to buy time. His mate can sense her response left him hurting.

"You don't scare me, Xander. This is scaring me. How you're behaving. How lost you look. I...I don't like it." She tells the truth.

Xander registers her words, eventually understanding. "I shouldn't have come."

Here it is again. Xander coming to Isabella but then acting like he made a mistake.

"You didn't come here accidentally. I didn't tell you to come, you chose to. So tell me; why did you come here? Don't think about it, just say it." She demands. She's a sweet girl, but she knows how to stand her ground.

"Because you make me feel like I haven't lost myself." His words fly out.

Isabella's heart swells with affection at his words. She doesn't know what to say. She feels like her words won't amount to his. Isabella removes her body from under the sheets, and crawls over to the large figure at the foot of her bed. She removes his hands from his lap, and replaces them with her body. Instantly, he wraps his arms around her tightly as she straddles his waist. He realizes she only sleeps in a tank top and underwear, so much of her soft skin exposed to his touch. He trails his masculine hands, yet gentle touch, down her bare thighs making her shiver in delight.

Isabella notices his honesty helped him relax. Letting out bottled up emotions is what he needs to keep doing. She's knows how exhausting it can be to hold things in.

"Keep talking to me. Don't close up." She whispers as she lightly traces patterns up and down his arms.

"You said that I seem lost. Sometimes I have to do something, something I don't enjoy doing. I don't have a choice though. When I do this thing, I get into a certain head space. I'm not me. I'm...I don't know who I am."

Isabella kisses his shoulder then rest her head on it, trying to comfort him.

"I don't know who I am," he repeats, "I lose myself. But thinking about you, Isabella. Being with you. It helps me find my way back to myself. I find my way back to someone familiar, someone important, someone I'm meant to be with."

Isabella pulls back so she can look him in the eyes. She cups his face in her hands. "I'm always here to bring you back. Remember that."

He smiles at his mate, holding her tightly, adoration evident in his eyes. "Thank you. I wish I could tell you what makes me this way. It's why I said I shouldn't have kissed you that night. I want to tell you but-"

Isabella cuts him off, "You will when you're ready," She says understanding, "Right?"

"Yes. There's nothing I want to hide from you. With time, you'll know me more than I know myself."

Isabella smiles at his words. She slowly leans in and places the most delicate kiss on his lips. "I can't wait for that. But for right now, it's time to wake up."

He scrunches his eyebrows together in confusion. "Wake up?"

Isabella nods. "It's time to wake up."

Within a second, everything is gone. Her room, her scent, her body. Xander lays in his bed alone, officially out of his dream state. He touches his lips, wishing that sweet kiss she gave him was real. Everything was a dream. Maybe that's all Isabella should be to him; an unattainable dream. What if she doesn't comfort him like she did in his dream? What if she hears his dark voice when he gets that way, and crawls away, never coming back. But life is too short and Isabella is too precious to think in "what if's".

He wants her like he had her in his dreams. With time, he must make his dream into a reality.

~
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