Chapter 1
“Are you ready for the big game next week?” Tim Johnson asked me as he got out of the locker room shower. I was distracted by his butt. His butt was fine. I just wanted to touch it. ‘Come on Mike stop it with this gay shit’ I thought to myself. But his butt. It was so nice. “ Dude! Are you ready for the big game next week?”
This time he snapped me out of my ass-hypnosis. “ Yeah, of course I’m ready.” I replied with pride. An almost cocky air to my words.
“Good, we are going to destroy Chester Valley High next week in the championships.” He said as he walked away ‘Chester Valley is not the only thing I want to to destroy’ I thought to myself staring at his half naked body and beautiful butt as he left . Oh, mental sexual innuendo helping me imagine putting it in his endo, all the puns. ‘God, I need to stop all this fag shit I’m straight, right? Or am I... no I have a girlfriend and I’m a football player. Football players aren’t gay. Right?’ I sigh to myself. Human sexuality is the weirdest thing ever.
I decided to go and clear my head by calling up my girlfriend Kristen and going out to get some Fro-Yo. Kristen is beautiful she is thin and short with freckles, long curly dirty blonde hair with emerald green eyes with brown flecks. She is a flyer on the cheerleading squad. She is sweet, loving, gentle, and funny any guy would be lucky to have her, but I feel nothing special when I’m with her. When we kiss no sparks fly, no fireworks go off, butterflies don’t fly around in my stomach. Nothing. Our relationship started with our friends pressuring us together. Our relationship is actually more of a best friendship. I feel like I could talk to her about anything and she’d be there for me, and she’d be understanding. She would do anything to help me.
I got to the Fro-Yo place before her. I always loved the feeling I got when going to the Freezy-Yo. It was my happy place I guess, the smell of the different flavors Made me feel good. And all of the bright colours on the walls would cheer me up when I felt down. I decided to prepare my Fro-yo while I waited for Kristen. I went with peanut butter fro-yo with m&m’s and bite sized reese’s peanut butter cups. She showed up as I was finishing making my fro-yo. She greeted me with a kiss. Again I felt absolutely nothing; I mean aren’t you supposed to feel some sort of spark when you kiss someone that you’re supposed to be in love with. It’s like I have no romantic interest in her.
“Aw you started without me.” She said with a sarcastic and cutesy chuckle as she grabbed a cup she got vanilla yogurt with rainbow sprinkles. “So whats troubling you?” She asked me as we sat at a table. I gazed straight into her eyes. They were so bright and full of a comforting happiness. Whenever I would look into her eyes I would feel enveloped by the green distracted and lost in her eyes, not in a cheesy romantic way but a your eyes are so pretty and magical way. “ What’s wrong, babe? You seem very distracted lately.”
“ Oh, I guess I’ve been thinking too much.” I say with a slight and fake laugh. I just couldn’t find the right words, I never can when I have something important to say. The words just come out and are not what they need to be. But she just gave me an equally fake laugh back.
“ What’s really going on? Mike you never bring me here if nothing is going on, this is your thinking and relaxing place. We’ve been dating for 3 years and the only times we come here is when you feel like shit. It’s usually either a death in your family or you are frustrated with someone or yourself.” That caught me a little off guard; I just sat there in silence “ I know you Michael; Will you just talk to me?”
I start to overthink my words and everything just jumbles around in my head as I sit and stare at her in silence. I mean I love her as a person and I never want to lose her, but I- I think I’m gay. Honestly, I feel no physical attraction to her, or any woman for a matter of fact. And, I love to look at guys butts. They’re just so plump and firm, I just want to touch them. And, then guys tummies they are so cute. ‘Oh god I just thought the word tummies. I am gay, aren’t I?’ I say sarcastic in my head. “ I- I um… think I’m gay.” I mumble almost inaudibly.
