25 Days with Mister Arrogant

First Snow

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Rather than occupying my time laying in bed obsessing over my thoughts of what had just transpired with Tom and Bill, I instead went straight for my laptop after coming home to my empty, cold apartment. It was strange walking through the small space of the living area and kitchenette; I'd been so accustomed to the aroma of cookies baking and the sound of my former roommate's bubbly voice echoing through the air, greeting me emphatically regardless of my mood or demeanor. But this time, upon arriving home to what was possibly the worst day of my life - and yes, it far surpassed my embarrassing split with Cole over a month ago - I came back to darkness. I dumped my keys and coat unceremoniously onto the rickety table, flipping on the light switch to cast a light glow over my bleak surroundings. Glancing around at the pathetically furnished living room, I sighed softly. I was alone.

It didn't help that I proceeded to frantically search through endless pages of information regarding Tom and Bill and their not-so-mediocre band. I felt a wave of sickness wash through me as I found that the name "Tom Kaulitz" had nearly seven billion results in a millisecond. This was real - he was the real deal, I soon realized. As I scrolled through seemingly never-ending images of Tom and his identical other, I found myself smiling sadly as photos of a much younger jackass met my tired gaze. The black braids were gone, and instead thick, dark blonde ropes of dreadlocks peeked from under a bandana and cap. The lip ring still adorned his lower lip, which still maintained the fullness I'd been used to seeing. The same full, soft mouth that had spewed hatred at me and had snarled at me and had fucking kissed me. I willed myself to shake the memory of Tom's mouth parting against mine roughly, of his tongue darting out to stroke against mine with every movement. I shuddered. I loved him so much…

And then there was Bill. I laughed out loud a few times at the sight of Bill, because while he looked so young and had the same sweet smile decorating his lips, his appearance had drastically changed since. A wild mane of black hair stood out in ever direction, and while any other human would look a hot mess sporting a lion-esque hairstyle, Bill's was immaculate. He was still just as slender, and wore simple jeans paired with vibrant tee's and multiple heavy-looking necklaces. His makeup was applied perfectly, dark and dramatic and so him. They both looked so young and innocent, and I realized as I flipped through page after page of facts and concert photos and news bits that I must have been the most God-damned oblivious dumbass on this planet. How the hell could I not realize that the man I was cleaning for and bringing food to was a superstar and that his brother, with whom I'd become so close with, was a singer for an internationally sensational band?

I felt like a complete fool as I clicked through YouTube segments showcasing some of their live performances as tears tickled the ducts of my eyes. I felt like a wheepy, unstable little crybaby as I felt a sudden surge of emotion overcome me. Their music wasn't my scene, that was for sure, but the way they performed and sang and brought an audience of thousands to their mercy was incredible. The way Tom's long fingers - the fingers I'd held and had gripping my arm - moved with agility up and down the strings of his guitar - was indescribable.

I forced myself to click out of the pages and stood up, dragging my feet to my bed and sluggishly dropping into the warmth of my blankets and pillows. Pressing my flushed face into the bed, I sighed shakily. I knew for sure now that Bill and Tom had both been keeping that secret from me, there was no chance to rely on denial any longer. What hurt more, though, was seeing Tom's handsome features and his musical ability and knowing that he'd lied not only about his status in the music industry, but about that fucking ridiculous car. How could he do that to me? I shook my head roughly, inwardly begging myself to remove any thoughts of him from my brain, but this only made the images of Tom's face flood faster through my mind. His youthful countenance, that typical arrogant smirk tugging at his mouth - all of it was too much. I was hopelessly, desperately in love with him. I would do anything to go back in time and not meet him - he'd crushed me beyond repair.