Color

Las Vegas, Nevada, 5 Years Ago

Las Vegas, Nevada, 5 Years Ago

Santana stood outside the house she almost didn't recognize. The memories came back as if from a far away land and Santana took a deep breath and walked forward. She hesitated, looking down at the locks. They were different and Santana was worried that maybe her parents had moved. She closed her eyes and steadied her heartbeat. She rang the door bell, still that familiar, out of tune ring that she knew from a year ago. There were footsteps on the stairs and the door opened. Her mother took one look at Santana and froze, her face deathly pale.

"Hi mom." Santana whispered. Her mother's lip trembled but she made no move to let the girl in. Santana forced a smile. "I'm home."

"Who is it?" Her father's authoritative voice said. She saw the shadow in the hallway and then her father's unshaven face came into view. His expression mirrored that of his wife's but soon hardened.

"Hi, papi." She said.

"I don't know who you're talking about." Her father replied. "Close the door." Her mother looked back at him, pleading with her eyes to let their daughter in. "Close the door dammit!" And with his strong arms, he forced the door closed with a bang. Santana clenched her fists and closed her eyes tightly to force the tears back. She wasn't going to cry, no, she had expected this really. She went back into the car and rested her head against the wheel. She felt sick and unwanted and she couldn't stay parked in the driveway. She started the car and just drove, not entirely sure where she was going. She shut down her brain and let her body do the directing.

Of course her body would bring her to the one place that made her feel safe no matter what happened. As she pulled into Brittany's driveway, she wasn't even sure if Brittany's parents were home, or if they wanted to see her. Maybe they blamed her for what happened. But Santana had nowhere to go so she got out of the car and knocked on the door. She half expected no one to answer, it was 12 at night after all but footsteps echoed in the hallway and the door opened. Brittany's mother stood there, staring in surprise.

"My parents kicked me out." Santana said, her voice shaking. "I don't know what to do." Brittany's mother stared at her for a moment before enveloping her in an embrace so tight that Santana had a bit of trouble breathing. But soon she was sobbing into the other woman's arms and rocking back and forth.

It seemed Brittany's death had drained her house after she died. Santana hadn't visited since the incident but she distinctly remembered that the walls were brighter, the lights stronger and the general atmosphere cheerier. Even her parents, whom Santana remembered as being two of the happiest people she'd ever met (Brittany had to get it from somewhere) seemed to be passing through life. Their hair seemed grayer, their skin paler and they didn't smile as much. This, Santana realized, was why she had avoided coming home for so long. She hated seeing Lima without Brittany because it was as if all the color was sucked from the little town.

"Where have you been? The kids at school have all been worried sick about you." Brittany's mother asked.

"Around... mostly trying to move on." Santana replied. She could tell by the looks on their face that they were also trying to move on with their lives. They didn't ask why she was kicked out or how she was doing, they could see that she looked just like them.

"You can stay with us." Brittany's father said, sloshing his drink around in his cup. He looked unshaven and unkempt. Santana nodded.

"Only for a few days, then I'll be out of your hair." Brittany's mother took her hand, the one with the ring on it.

"Nonsense." She said, shocked that Santana would ever think of herself as a nuisance to them. "You're family."

Santana stayed in Brittany's room. She found it almost impossible to set foot inside because she could still see the images in her head of the two of them relaxing, kissing and gazing into each other's eyes, unaware of the tragedy to befall them in the future. She swallowed hard and tried to shut out those memories. She thought was ready but being in Brittany's room again, seeing everything like it hadn't changed, like Brittany was going to be coming home any moment, it all brought back a wave of hurt Santana hadn't been ready for. She knew in that instant that she hadn't been ready, that no matter how long she stayed on a farm or stayed away from Lima, she'd never be ready to accept that Brittany was gone forever.