Yungin' and Quees

maybe I should call

"Long distance in the way of what could be

Even when you're here, you're not with me

She's having the child I should've carried

I'll be damned if yall get married

How's the baby, How you adjusting?

Ain't gon work, you got problems trusting

Let me stop, I'm supposed to be focused

But these nights are the coldest"

As I sat down in the tub I thought about my ex. I haven't spoken...well we haven't spoken in over a year. I keep reminiscing about the past and the good times we shared. I heard that he was doing well he got a better job, better home... and a better me. He replaced me, I knew he wasn't going to wait for me after all I did. The night he left I could tell he was hurting, at the time I didn't care now it's all hitting me like it hit him. My mind was racing with all these different thoughts...maybe I should call him, maybe he'll answer.

I called his phone it rung then went straight to voicemail. He won't pick up, he doesn't miss me at all. I was just a waste of his time. He wanted a family I didn't. He was in the house I wanted to get drunk and hang with my friends. I didn't want to bring a child into a world like this the way I acted and what I do it was all too much to involve a baby into this.

"Will you ever let her go? I don't know

Will I ever be first? I hope

But I ain't just sitting around, can't wait for someone to see my worth

Damn I can't compete with a baby

Is there any room left in your heart for me"

I called again thinking maybe this time he'll pick up, but no same outcome. This time I didn't hear that it was him and his new girlfriend on it. They sounded happy August even made that corny joke he tells me. She was falling for it, she sounded happy with the man I loved it wasn't fair. Then again I was leading him on I understand why he left me I'm useless

20 minutes later

As I continue to lay in the warm bath water I get a call from my cousin Destiny 

"Hey Des what's up?"

"Hey, but did you hear the news?"

"No, what is it?"

"August is having a baby...well he's not having the baby, but you get the drift."

As soon as she said that my heart sunk in my chest I couldn't breathe. As I was trying to gasp for air I hung up my phone and exited the tube. I fall onto the floor and burst into tears immediately. I can't believe he was trying to start a family this early. We broke up almost for almost a year now...but I guess he's been busy. I wanted to have that life with him but if he would've have waited a little it would've been okay.

"I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him

Maybe I should call, Maybe I should call

I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him

But I never call

Maybe that's my flaw"