Reflection

-Chapter 1- Asher: First Day

I stare into his eyes with intention. I don't look away, don't blink. My breaths become shallow and slow. Nervous as hell, I lean in close; our faces-less than an inch apart-I could feel his hot breath against my face. Suddenly my eyes were closed and our noses crashed, my lips were passionately pressed against the frigid surface. Upon opening my eyes and stepping back, my lips left a blurry impression on the glass. My eyelids felt warm and stuffed. My face became flush as I rubbed my teary eyes and walked out of the bathroom.

I put on my favorite shirt; loose and soft. The dark black-blue complemented my dark jeans. I looked down at the faded scars on my forearm, fighting the memories.

"Thorns in the forest. I was running and I brushed too close." I confirm to myself, considering what my friends might ask. I shook my head and took a deep breath. I wrapped my arm in an elastic bandage, concealing the countless marks. I figure it'd be easier to explain that way.

Good thing our parents leave before us. That is Nieko and I. I couldn't imagine trying to explain the bandage to them. They'd try and send me to some mental hospital if they found out what I was hiding. And extensive therapy if they knew why. I can see it now...

"This is how you get better. We can help you be normal." My mom would say in tears.

"How dare you be such a waste to your family! How dare you spit in our face after 17 years of life we gave up for you!" My dad would yell following up with a solid smack across my face; with his left hand though because he'd be holding his beer in the right. Heck, he might even miss the first swing. That is, on a good night.

I fight back my tears aggressively with a smack to my arm, hoping to feel some remanence of pain. Nothing. I grabbed my already organized backpack and creep past my brother's room, careful not to wake him up. Downstairs, in the living room, I sit on the couch and check Snapchat.

Parties, alcohol, friends, couples, everyone is happy! Everyone has a legitimate life while I've been here alone, moping about how I like boys all summer. And if anyone knew, then i'd be beat senseless by... well anyone really, I'm weak as shit. So stupid. I release my face from anger and drop my phone to my lap, breathing in deep and pushing it all out again.

*Buzz*

New Message:
Clara

Hey! First day! 😄

But I have to see, him, again. I have to pretend to be normal. Idk if I can do it again.. 😭

It'll be okay. He's your best friend! Nothing is gonna happen. You should just tell him your secret.

I can't! Do you know how awkward that would make our friendship! 😖

Okay. Well it doesn't all have to happen today. We'll take it one day at a time. Don't be late! I'll see you in Bio. 😌

Ok see you then😞

I hear a noise from upstairs, it must be my brother. Fearing some "first day inspirational speech", I run out the door to my car. With the keys in the ignition I sigh, closing my eyes tightly in attempts to dissipate the pain. He'd never like me.

"I'm so stupid." I mutter aloud bringing back the redness in my face. I take another deep, shaky breath and think about what first period is gonna be like. I start the car and drive to Silas's house trying to remember the last time we spoke.