youth's journal **SHORT VERSION**

day five

this is bad. this is very, very, very bad!

Nix wants to come over!

what if he finds out about Mom?

what if he finds out, then calls the police?

what if the police take mom away?

what if she isn't around?

what if we have to sell the house?

WHAT IF I'M PUT UP FOR ADOPTION AND NEVER SEE MOM OR AMANDA OR NIX AGAIN BECAUSE I'M SHIPPED OFF TO CHINA?!

I don't think the last one there will happen...

ok, but still. he's really curious because a woman that looks the exact opposite of me picks me up from school and walks me home!

when he asked, "why does Amanda pick you up and not your mum or pa?"

what I said, "because my mom can't drive and is home all day doing work."

what I wanted to say, "because me mom doesn't even know I go to school and sleeps and drinks all day then passes out!"

so...

I'm scared. I talked to Amanda about Nix, and asked how I could get him to drop it (in the nicest way possible). (also, I told her about my mom and stuff. she's pretty much become, my therapist and friend) anyways, so she said -and I don't get what she means by this-, "maybe you need to tell others, sometimes silence is a girl's loudest cry and scream, but not with you. sometimes silence hurts more and the dark will consume you. and I'm afraid that I won't be able to shine a light on you to scare the shadows away. I'm scared one day you'll give up, I mean, I would have already! you are so strong, and such a nice girl.,"

"Shine a light by BANNERS. you played at the shop today."

and by then, we had made it to my house.

we said our goodbyes, and when i turned around to go inside, i heard Amanda say something so quiet and so meaningful, "i don't know who this is from.

people cry. not because they're weak, but because they've been strong for too long."

and with that, she left.

- Sally Sokoto