Talk about his departure was being thrown around cheaply. Everyone had something to say to me, but him. Two weeks straight, no words were said to me. My whole time with him had been so exciting. For him to stop talking to me, it had been a shock.
To be fair... I didn't want to talk to him at times... These times, only the thought of him leaving was lingering in my mind. But my situation was simple. White.
I''d just watch the hige white wall before me. So wide, so tall. I can't see past it, but I know what lies behind it. But right now, I don't want to see it, that's why white washed over my sight.
"Amalia-sshi." My head snaps to the small P.D who was smiling at me.
"Oh... Ne?" I reply. the white fadding away like a good thought. You know what they say, good things end sooner.
"You are needed on the stage."
"Oh... Thank you." I forced a smile.
The stage was cold and empty. The smell of Heechul's cologne was intoxicating, lingering around me. That was something he never failed to do.. Intoxicate me with everything he does.
"Ni-ga no-mu go-map-ja-na. oh" I start. And almost instantly my feelings take over.
*Meanwhile back stage: Heechul's P.O.V.*
I watch her crying. All her pride melting under the salty liquid falling from her eyes. She was headstrong, full of pride. She wasn't the type to cry.. Neither of us were. As the song progresse's, she seemeds to be talking right at me. The indirect way of saying everything on her mind.
"Nu-nul tae-su-ga op-seo-ne mu-n-dero man-bo-yo." I look away, a givering breath enters my lungs.
Across the room I see Yesung, looking at me with a knowing look. But a very soft one. One that rarely adorns his face. I turn my head back to the 20' screen that was graced with Amalia's image.
Amalia's P.O.V.
As my song ended I exit the stage, my eyes dry, but my breath sharp. The eyes of my fans burn through me. Everyone knew. He was leaving.
Home. It was so bitter these days. Some days I didn't even want to come home. Why would I? His indifferent attitude is so bothersome. But I love him nonetheless. He's so amaz-
White.
"Amalia.. Stupid!" I curse myself out, and once again white takes over my eyes.
As night fall rolls around I become nervous. Heechul didn't come home, and an uneasy feeling washed over me.
"There is no way..... He wouldn't..."
Heechul was that kind of person. He would make drunken mistakes. Drunken confessions, some good, some bad. You never quite know which will come. That was what scared me, I never knew. This was a turning point, he would be gone by tomorrow morning. No part of me wants to see him,yet I did.
"Amalia." A slurred, yell of grief. One I can barely take in. So loud, yet sweet.
"Alix!" Another yell followed by a shaky sob. As he busts through the door his yelling becomes more desperate. I guess he was used to me jumping at the sound of his drunken voice. As he marches in my eyes travel down. I can't stand the sight of him. 4 hours to go.
He was still there, just watching me. I know what he is doing.... He has something to say. But why can't he just say it? 3 hours 43 minutes to go.
I glance at the clock. 4:27 am. I stand up, my eyes now looking at his."It's almost time for you to-"
"To go?" He cuts me off and my eyes travel to his face. No sign of any emotions, and I can't help but frown.
"I'll make you some food, you'll need it for when you go.." I snap and head to the kitchen, wish I could take back my words.
Heechul's P.O.V.
My eyes glaced over. She probably thought it was the liqour but what liqour? I hadn't drank a bit of alcohol, none. My eyes quickly rush over her features, the long black hair. I'd miss it just as soon as it left my fingers. I wanted to cry. I have to be strong for her. But with only 3 hours and 20 minutes before I have to go, I just might. Besides, she'll have forgotten in 2years... The thought alone is enought to make some tears freefall from my eyes, I'm a man now but in a little while I'll feel like a lady. My breath begins to enter my body in jagged puffs and my vision becomes blurry.
"Be a man!" I yell in my head. But as I try to interpret the sound, all I can do is let out a low grunt and whisper: "Be a man..." I
I shake my head while my tears fall with no limit to my pain. "Be a man, fuck!" I try again, only to find my tears falling faster.
Amalia's P.O.V.
"Be a man, fuck!" I hear Heechul whimpering. I try to ignore the yelling. "He's drunk... Just drunk." I reassure myself. I can't stay away though. His crying is like a flame to my moth. I can't help but glance over my shoulder at the man helplessly crying on the day of his departure, no words said, yet. 2 hours 52 minutes left.
I was just holding him. Still, no words spoken to me. His crying had stopped right as soon as I reached for him. My heart somehow felt responsible for his hurt. I know I'm not the one to blame- 100%- But I felt just as if..
"I'm sorry.." He mummbles to me while his head falls on my lap.
"For what?" I respond still taken back that he spoke.. To me!
"Amalia I want you to wait for me.. To come back, and stuff but i don't think I'm selfish enough to do that. To just halt time and wait as if I would return the next morning. So, don't wait for me. Move on.." He spoke fast, and so quietly all I was able to figure out was "Don't wait. Move on." Two things I didn't want to hear. My hand stops its movement in his hair and I look at him dumbfounded.
"What?" He sits up, his breathing once again jagged. "Just don't wait for me. You should be free." And with that his head bowed down and he let out a bitter laugh. My emotions could not be held back at this point.
I just cry.
1 hour 2 minutes left
"I'm sorry." He whispers.
"Why?" I could barely utter a reply.
"For lying"
"When did you lie?"
"Just now... I'm sorry. To think that I can even spend one day away from you was stupid. To ever hope I'm not a coward. To think that even for one second I could be away from you and not want to be by your side. I can't even begin to explain how much I love you.. But... I'm not selfish enough to put you on hold.."
"Heechul.. You don't want me to wait because you don't want to ask me?"
"I'm not gonna tie you down." He says, his voice loud and clear.
"Heechul!" I shout.
"Stop doing this! I wanna make it easy for you!"
"But your not!" I yell. I only now realize how loudly I was yelling.
"Ok... I'll make it fast then.." He says, taking a deep breath. "Goodbye."
One year later.
So much time has passed since that night.. But even to this day, he intoxicates me. Today I decided to turn the table. No more crying. He wanted to not tie me down, yet I ended up neck deep in emotions, trapped. I will wait though. I won't forget him.
Nariators P.O.V.
Today, May 3 2013, both were empty. While Amalia said she would forget all emotions untill his return, she was empty for all the wrong reasons. While Heechul did his best to serve his country, he too, was empty. Even while he ignores the few tears that fall for his eyes, every now and again he does feel empty, in every aspect and unwillingly.
Yet, the two await his return, will all go back to bliss? Or will one of them forget?
