Rough Drafts [bxb]

|8|

Sorry this came late.

"Why do you keep following me?!" She screeched. Her eyes were wild with accusation and her fists clenched together. The toga swaddling her body shifted around the waist and I tried my best to look away. I fumbled "I-I'm not. I swear. They keep sending me back you. They keep leading me back to you somehow."

- Ulrich Feist, Shatter the Stars, 2008

"Are you ok?" He asked cautiously moving his hand away, as though he was afraid I would bite it off without warning. I sniffed, cleaning my face with the sleeves of my shirt. Even without a mirror I knew that my face was red and blotchy. Snot was spewing out of my nose in the most unflattering manner ever. But I didn't care. Sometimes you get to that point where caring about trivial things just becomes a burden.

"Would you believe me if I said that I was?" I asked.

Ulrich waited for a second then shook his head "No." if I wasn't bawling my eyes out, I might have laughed at his utterly serious expression in the moment.

I sniffed again "Then I'm not ok."

"If it's about the dinner, it's not really a big deal. We can order Chinese or something," Ulrich suggested. How had the thought of getting take-out in the first place not even crossed my mind? It had, I just wanted to be fancy and impressive with skills that I didn't even possess for a reason I couldn't seem to remember. I moved away from the counter that I had been leaning on "The stupid dinner is just a tiny glitch in the radar showcasing exactly how fucked my life has become."

Ulrich appeared startled by my words but made no move to leave. My filter to his action as an opportunity to just let loose.

"I mean I just want one thing to go my way for once. Be it a job, or relationship or even a fucking dinner," I ranted. "But nothing. Nothing ever really goes my way. It's like the universe always has it out for me. Let's fuck up whatever makes Ridge happy because we're bored motherfuckers like that." Ulrich was silent and said nothing but I could still sense him watching me.

"Sorry just forget that I said all that," I waved it all off with my arm. "I don't know what just came over me.

"It's ok," His tone was quiet.

I sniffed again "Forget this all happened. I'm so sorry again; I'll clean it up in the morning."

"Are you sure you're ok?" He questioned again.

The answer was obvious to the two of us. My face contorted into a forced calm demeanor "I'm fine. I just need to sleep. Goodnight." Without waiting for another word, my back was turned to Ulrich and I couldn't have walked fast enough to make it to my room.

I was overreacting of course. I knew that bit well enough. There was no need for me to have wailed in the kitchen like a fucking baby but I decided to let myself go all at once. That's what I obviously get for looking through my ex-husbands' life. Doris would say that I was looking for an excuse to punish myself. In this situation, she was probably right.

But I didn't want to think any longer.

I needed a scorching shower and long sleep.

And probably an amnesia dart too.

Discarding my clothes and hopping into the shower, I sighed in relief completely letting my senses be numbed by the hot pelts of water on my back. After that I fell into bed wearing a ratty t-shirt and boxers. Luckily, sleep seemed to come easy. I drifted into a dreamless slumber until hours later; I was woken up from a car door slamming downstairs.