You Imagined Anyway.

Do you see her? I see her all the time. A little girl running through the dusty attic of my mind. Dancing through the sunlit, bare attic, swirling up the dust. Stirring up past memories. Memories of innocent times. Memories of what seems like a past life, happier times.I sometimes see her in the mirror too. Gazing back at me, just for a fleeting second. That sweet, innocent smile, before vanishing and being replaced with the present, older version of myself. The version that has been tested again and again by God, by life. The 'not so innocent' version. Oh what I would not do to be that innocent, smiling little girl again.

I see her, hear her, laughing and being carefree. I want to warn her, to tell her that there are going to be storms ahead. Things that will shake her entire being. Things that will make her doubt herself, doubt everything she has ever known. Things that will bring her down to her knees, crying, begging, pleading with God to end all the suffering that she is going through. I want her to know that even though she will go through the storm, the turbulent seas in a boat that is at breaking point, she will make it through to the other side. The side where the sky will be blue, the sun will be shining and the grass will be greener than ever before. I want her to know that she will get through it all.

I want to let the little girl, the girl that I was, know that she is stronger than she thinks. She will heal faster than she can imagine. All she needs to do is pray. Turn to God, He'll never leave. He will be the only One who will never leave her side. She just needs to trust in Him.

Now when I see her, I don't feel haunted by past happy memories. I feel proud, proud of being where I am today. Proud that the little girl in the dusty attic of my mind, the little girl who sometimes stares at me in the mirror, got through some of the toughest moments that life can ever hand to someone. Now I don't worry about her, about her innocence shattering because i know she will get through it all, albeit a little bruised and broken but it will teach her a great many lessons that will make her a strong woman. When I look at her now, I marvel at the things I've been through and thank God that I still wake up each morning with a new and blank canvas that only I have the right to paint my life on.